What has to happen before it’s enough? Learning the truth about doubt means answering the question what is wrong with my mind?
Self-doubt comes from a brain that wants to be there to help.
But why is it always trying to force me to do the opposite of what I need to do?
The answer is pretty simple to find, change your thoughts to something positive.
That is a general thing however and the thoughts never cease to show up.
Negative and self-destructive thinking is a major problem for anyone who suffers from shyness, anxiety, depression or social phobias.
We simply believe there is a malfunction in our brains that we didn’t deserve to be cursed by.
This issue becomes so destructive it eats away at any progress we make and becomes intolerable to want to live with.
I know from my own struggle I was completely exhausted by the depression this thinking caused. And even after getting on medication I still could not stop feeling somehow victimized.
My mind blamed everyone I knew and I felt sorry for my life, my family and my situation. Somedays it didn’t feel like I should go on living because there was zero motivation.
What Is Wrong With My Mind?
For many decades I didn’t know that feeling this way could ever be stopped and it drove me crazy wondering why I was so unlucky.
Even beyond feeling hopeless I had no desire to try because my inability would just be exposed once again in front of people who no doubt would just mock and ridicule me.
This belief I had because everyone else I know is a selfish piece of crap that I wish didn’t exist. How I used to fantasize about the world coming to an end so that I wouldn’t have to go on living around these people.
But the parts which stand out might be an eye-opener for anyone who reads this that doesn’t understand what shyness or social problems are really like.
There are many reasons in our lives we can identify as being worse than everyone else, and there is even misery from what we tell ourselves that goes deeper then even we understand.
I used to think my inner voice was there to just hate me. That it was following me around because I was put on this planet to go through torture.
Without even believing in an afterlife or reincarnation I was being forced to endure these unrelenting challenges until I gave up once and for all.
What is wrong with my mind it’s not normal
Daily reminders are everywhere since people are happy and smiling.
Thinking I can’t understand anyone because being normal is not at all what I felt.
And this is the only experience I knew, having no idea what it’s like to think differently because I have always been this way.
Working hard to try and understand what I have to go through, and also what it’s like for everyone else is difficult.
There isn’t a guidebook on what needs to be done.
There isn’t a sign that says go this way, this is what you should be studying and this is how it gets easier.
These are just ignored especially if those around you don’t get you help for your problems.
Thinking things just go away as we get older, knowing that it happens to some people but apparently it gets worse for me.
Believing things are not real and are really just jokes because this can’t be the reality.
Too many people out there having fun and getting things they want. While I am stuck unsure where to go or what to do. Being called loser because all people are losers who don’t fit in.
People are shocked that some kids would bring guns to schools. Doesn’t surprise me at all, I know how it feels to be different and not to have any joy at all.
Don’t dismiss a child at any age there are several very real signs, take a minute and ask yourself is this kid acting out? I myself was almost kicked out of school by bringing a knife with me.
When you deal with pain there is no way out, no way to escape those thoughts, and nobody bothers to listen anyways. A straight-A student who only does homework could be this way too.
Don’t turn your back on anyone for any reason, until people decide to show compassion for others at every age we will continue to be plagued by this.
Real people should be held responsible after all this is why we send kids to school so somebody sees them and keeps them in mind.
Parents spend so few actual hours with their kids and schools alone need to take up the slack. Lack of caring about anyone can lead to major problems.
You can take away the guns and then you will probably just see explosions doing far greater damage.
Knowing there is a solution and wishing it would be forced on us
Daydreaming about everything we wish were different. A realization that working hard for a goal that my mind feels is pointless to achieve.
Going to one thing only to be redirected to something else, a neverending process where solutions are really just more obstacles.
Becoming fed up, and trying to fake things just hoping to wake up and it’s all different. When this is just poor advice we all see far too many times.
Every time I try I fail, what is wrong with me comes to my mind again. I can’t take it anymore I just want to feel better even though I don’t understand what better even means.
The process seems endless and my mind starts to imagine another way out. This time it will work and I won’t be stuck in a pointless nightmare stuck with a brain that is of no help.
The deeper I get to becoming what I believe hatred to be. Just lock me up and then finding out there is nothing supposedly wrong to keep me there.
Even forced to try things to go well, and still, I can’t take this shit anymore.
This cycle seems endless until I break the code
Not sure of where it came from but somehow I see a way out, this time there is hope again.
I learn a few reasons to work harder to understand.
This breaks the cycle and my mind seems too quiet.
The thoughts begin to change and the pressure is relieved that was so heavy my breath has come back.
What has changed and why is it changing?
Begging for answers and hoping it’s not some fluke, I continue on doing the same thing and then I notice a pattern which seems to actually be encouraging me to keep going.
This voice is different now, it’s not telling me what to feel it’s actually creating the feeling it’s showing me. My eyes become less heavy I can now see where I am headed and the path is right in front of me so wide I wonder how I could have missed it.
Wow, what do I do with the joy I feel and where do I go to keep this from leaving.
That worthless broken despair can be removed
My own insanity drove me to a breaking point which revealed some major restraints. Where I used to find only challenges I now see solutions.
This is remarkable and has to be a dream world except I am awake. Knowing that I found the path to go on for my life to finally make sense.
It’s nice when it happens and is unexpected, for decades I tried to find this place and nothing happened like it is now.
I know that something which once held me back has either somehow gotten fixed, or I found the tools to fix what I believed was wrong with me.
Either way, I know that this process works and I have no reason to stop working on it now. This is not an illusion or some fantasy it’s what has always been there and been too silent.
When it hits you it will become more staggering then words can describe. This is just as I experience hope today, and there are still many more questions to be answered as I go.
For now, it’s just a work in progress and I really wish I can help everyone figure it out too.
How to change from thinking what is wrong with my mind, to knowing the solution.