Top 10 Fears People Experience With Shyness

Top 10 Fears People Experience With Shyness

In order to figure out what is going on with ourselves, we have to know what the fear is and how it’s triggered. The top 10 Top 10 Fears People Experience With Shynessfears people experience with shyness usually occurs because something horrific has happened to us before.

Thinking back to our lives and how these fears were created is going to help us overcome them. We can go back in our minds and identify the reason we feel shame.

Commonly done with therapy but easily done by yourself. I debated whether or not to include the life story project in a post before, but feel it’s a good time to bring it up now.

What are the top 10 fears people experience with shyness?

  1. Fear of rejection – We feel that nobody understands us and always obsess about the worst case scenario happening. If we make an effort to say hi, people are likely to ignore us or tell us to fly off.
  2. Fear of being singled out – This is especially hard when there is a group. We are led to believe that anytime another person sees us trying to do something they will make a loud announcement about it. Once this happens we are going to be made fun of or something worse.
  3. Fear of looking foolish or stupid – The mistakes we make in front of other people seem 10x worse then they are. We know that it’s going to happen so we either try to hide what we are doing or wait for nobody to be around.
  4. Fear of doing something for the first time – We know from experience that nobody gets great at something without practice. But for some reason, we seem to forget that fact when anyone else is around. If we can’t be great at it right away then most likely we won’t try it.
  5. Fear of eating in front of others – anyone who is a little messy while enjoying lunch has probably worried about this one. In our minds, we think any noise is going to be wrong, that we are going to eat things in a weird way, or that somebody is going to do something to our meal.
  6. Fear of silence – we don’t know what to say to people but it’s even worse when it’s too quiet. We figure that other people are planning some kind of terrible action which will embarrass or humiliate us. Sometimes we fear that they are planning to hurt us.
  7. Fear of not knowing where everybody is – a panic can set in when we have our backs to other people. For some reason, it’s usually not a good thing and people who laugh at anything only make it worse. If I can’t tell what they are doing they must be pointing at me so that others will laugh.
  8. Fear of our own appearance – Everything we do is wrong, everything we wear is wrong, everything we say is wrong. We convince ourselves that the way we comb our hair, the shirt we put on and everything else will be ridiculed. It’s a no-win situation in our minds because even when we try to get the same look or same clothes we somehow screwed things up.
  9. Fear of being different – whether we like something that nobody else talks about or we want to do something that isn’t popular. We put ourselves under the microscope and start hating the things we enjoy. Sometimes we think that since nobody else does something we can’t either.
  10. Fear of ourselves – we have the idea that we must be perfect so that others can’t pick us apart. We are always inside our own heads about everything we say, think, want, need, dream, desire, and do. We never get comfortable with ourselves and often are miserable because of this.

Whether you can identify with any of these or all of these is one way to gauge your level of shyness. If you simply can’t talk to other people that alone can be worked on.

The hardest one to remove is the last one #10 because it’s the only one that really matters.

The other 9 fears are irrational thinking that will be removed when 10 is changed. How do we start working on that fear?

Top 10 Fears People Experience With Shyness

Creating A Starting Point or Life Story

Probably the most critical thing to learn about yourself is being able to go back and realize when you picked up each fear.

For some people this will need to be done in therapy, for others it will be easier just by writing it down and repeating a few actions.

The point of a life story is to write everything down that you have any memories on. Sometimes you won’t think of anything to write but out of nowhere it just shows up.

Keeping a journal is a great idea to give yourself the needed self-talks for use immediately, but will not change everything as quickly as we want.

Aside from getting amnesia the only way to deal with a fear is to figure out when it became a fear and this way you can attack it in a way that will remove it.

Removing fears from our memories and replacing them with actions

To remove rejection as a fear we need to target positive memories that prove acceptance. Think of things like gifts you received, compliments you have gotten, awards, pats on the back, or anything that shows you have experienced good things.image that says "Don't stay stuck in the past because life is worth more then misery"

I truly believe that we are born with a certain curiosity and this is to help us learn from experiences. When we have enough of these experiences we are to make use of them.

We do this by deciding whether our actions will lead us to pain, or bring us pleasure. When the majority leads to the pain we form a limiting belief that will keep us safe.

The bad thoughts or memories are only meant to prevent us from making the same mistake twice. It’s our job to replace that with what actually works. (successes)

To make this happen we need to be willing to rework our beliefs every so often in order to do what is best for ourselves.

For anyone that has kept a scrapbook or who has a family member who did this for you. You will be able to easily look back over and train yourself in things that worked.image that says "fears are just wasted energy because we would be dead if they mattered"

What happens when we finish the life story?

Depending on how much work it took to create your own story, the time you get everything written down and have turned negatives into positives (mistakes into successes), you need to remember these.

If you have been reading my posts you know that I am trying to encourage everyone to start a blog. You can slowly start letting people into your life with this and it will be easier to do as you gain expertise in something.

The best way to experience this is to prove that other people still are interested in you and care about you. If blogging is something you still fear, then at least consider it as you gain more confidence.

Another way to use this post is to create your own list of fears. If there was something that you really feel I missed than share with us why it’s so difficult.

Removing these fears will release you from all that is keeping you stuck and preventing you from being happy.Top 10 Fear People Experience With Shyness

These fears used to be my fears

As I grow and continue to develop positive skills, I can tell you that things slowly start to look less and less impossible.

These top 10 fears that people experience will allow you to find what you have been hiding from.

When you remove any of them a little bit of weight will be gone and you start to see how even more of life can be enjoyed.

If any of these fears mattered we would have already been dead, realize that it’s just wasted energy and be done with them.

Remember that your life story is your chance to change your outlook on what life has been.

Don’t stay stuck in the past because life is worth more than misery.

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Let me know what you think of this post. Every comment you share makes it easier for others(including me) to know what you need help on. Leave those comments below or any questions you have.

About Author

Eric

How are things going with you? My name is Eric and I am owner and operator of Overcome Life Obstacles. My main goal with this website is to provide answers to anyone who was like me and got lost or stuck in their lives. While you are here I wanted to make sure you check out my click herewhich is where I got my start in affiliate marketing as well as with self-improvement.

14 thoughts on “Top 10 Fears People Experience With Shyness”

  1. I too have difficulties wanting to communicate over the phone. For me it’s two-fold, one is being overheard from the people who are around me physically. Two is because of the chances of being misheard or not being given a chance to respond. Whenever possible I will limit the use of phones completely and try to interact with text or email.

    There was a time I tried to confront this problem and worked as a bill collector. Needless to say, things were uncomfortable and turned out poorly for me. What can be done? You can continue to make it so that you interact with people the way you are most comfortable. The family is the easiest, but friends generally understand as well.

    When it comes to on the job or work situations, you can actually use images and visualizations to distract your mind from obsessing about what the other person is doing. Their lack of body language can be the difference maker. Here is the thing, people are likely not that thrilled to be in a phone conversation either.

    Most of the time there are better ways to share the same kinds of information that is clear and concise. When you are able to get past the part of your mind which makes a ringing phone a big deal, you will be able to get in and out of the conversation with ease. A trick is to practice a breathing technique: A couple 4 count deep breaths in through the nose, followed by a 2 count pause and a 4 count exhale from the mouth.

    This is the same breathing exercise you can do for any stressful or worrisome times where your thoughts are racing. Allow for just a little extra time to compose yourself and realize it’s not a big deal at all. Often what happens is that ring triggers a panic, be sure you set up a pleasant sound for the phone. Practice meditation if you don’t do it now.

    It’s not a big time commitment just a few minutes each day so you condition your mind to relax with the breathing exercise. Then overtime whenever you need that quick relaxation you will know how to do it. As far as your opinions being difficult, that stems from lower confidence about what you have to say meaning something important.

    When are the times you feel like you give the best advice? Think about that real quick before you suggest something. There are also ways to build your confidence up even more and for that to happen you just need to do things more often that you get great at. Small steps build confidence and self-esteem to the point you will get confident no matter what you say.

    Have a look at a couple of posts I wrote and see if that doesn’t help you feel better.
    Start with this one: http://overcomelifeobstacles.com/consistency-helps-to-boost-your-confidence-level
    Then follow up with: http://overcomelifeobstacles.com/overcome-your-fear-of-embarrassment-and-shame
    Let me know if you need any more.

  2. I have a fear of talking on the phone with strangers and acquaintances, to the point where I will usually go to the place where I want to work and try to speak with the boss / HR manager face to face, rather than call and make an appointment or apply for the job. The only people I feel comfortable calling are my wife, my mum, and a couple of my closest friends, everyone else I try to speak face to face, or via email.
    Also, I can’t seem to express My emotions or opinions in words. When people ask for my opinion, I will usually tell them person X thinks this and person Y thinks that and I haven’t decided yet what I think about the matter.

  3. You have a little work to do it seems, and hear me out. I get the feeling that you don’t know yourself and what it is you really are going after. Sabotaging one business and then turning around and wanting to do something else, just not quite sure if you believe you’re capable. The bad news is you will continue to struggle because you’re either not listening to your core values and core beliefs, or you haven’t figured out what they really are yet.

    A tooth and a weight issue are two things that are fixable. The self-hate you are feeling is more concerning because that requires harder work. I would suggest you start by creating a gratitude journal. Every night(or whenever you make the time) write down at least five things you are grateful for each that day and why.

    The why being important so that you have the chance to really think. By looking inward and wanting to find things you love about yourself, you will accomplish a couple of things. First it will get you away from that inner voice that has you second-guessing yourself, and second, it will give you a better idea of the things that actually create joy and motivation.

    There is an actual process for going through the junk that is not serving you well, and it will start with you getting to know as much as you can about yourself. I appreciate the comment and the personal things you shared Candice please do continue working on those areas and let me know if it helps.

  4. I think I fear success, I talk myself out of ideas with “reality”. I had a cleaning business for many years and got to the point of needing employees and couldn’t figure it out on my own so I stopped advertising, the business slowly failed. I fear my appearance and myself because I could look better. I think people will not take my advice because of the way that I look and try to tell myself I have to look the part. Who takes nutrition advice from a obese person? I want to do vlogs but my missing front tooth makes me feel very self conscious. I try to put forth an image of the person I want to be. I know i’m smart, I have to face the fears like you said. I enjoyed reading this, it gave me a lot to think about.

  5. You can speak better then anyone else does and still find being around others difficult. I too have had experience with not wanting to appear foolish, but because I spoke quietly or was afraid my thoughts would come out jumbled up. One of the best lessons to learn is that it doesn’t even matter what you do as long as you do it.

    More people try and then quit because they can only hear that inner voice telling them they suck. Pick things you know you excel at, over time everything else will catch up if you make an effort to keep trying. That also means there will be things that don’t really matter much at all. Usually, we are the toughest critic in our lives, and it can be changed.

    Work on where you learned this and replace those early memories which have no value for you now. When you can sort out all the negative thoughts and change them to positive stories, things will start to improve. I have been in that same place myself and it’s something you need to practice but you will get there.

    I appreciate your comment and know that you will find a way through the challenge.

  6. I am semi introvert, I can be alone, while I like hanging out friends or making new friends. It could be different from shyness, but I also realize myself withholding my months, so people think I am “quiet” and a “good listener”. I have a feeling that my main reason for withholding from talking could be the fear of sound stupid. Well, first of all, I live in the country where I was not born and raised, so I get very cautious about my language, especially the pronunciation. I know many people who speak way more broken English than I do but still talking their butt off and enjoy the conversation.

    Do I think they are stupid? Not at all. Do I think others think they are stupid? I don’t think so. Then why am I withholding my mouth? I have a feeling that it may not be about “others” but myself. I think I don’t approve myself for not speaking perfectly. I have gone through many personal development programs, and more and more I realize I am too harsh towards myself. I now realized after reading your article, could it be “fear of myself”?

    Thank you for a great article!

  7. That is kind of funny, if you had ever met my father you would probably understand why. And yes, I have heard that often, the thing about fears is that they only go away after you resolve the main problem. If you have a fear of heights, for example, you would want to start looking for areas to challenge that fear. Increasing the distance between you and the ground by small increments so that you realize there isn’t any reason to hold onto the fear.

    That type of approach will work for many people that don’t also have underlying issues which cause more than one fear. Every person who learned to crawl could’ve developed a fear of heights. I am sure that nobody just started to walk without a fall occurring.

    However, when you have a traumatic experience, facing that fear head on will most likely complicate things. When that is present you will not want to just start facing the fear head-on. Before you even decide to face that type of fear you have to fully accept what had happened for it to develop in the first place.

    That is also why I recommend that anyone with trauma to at least give therapy a try before they start doing anything themselves. What happens is that you go after one fear and right in the middle you realize you’re not as afraid of that one as you are terrified of something closely related to it.

    The theory that you can just suck it up, be brave and real men don’t cry is outdated and one reason people become angry and resentful of a father figure who enforced it on them.

    I appreciate your comment Steven and would invite you to share with us again.

  8. Great Article Eric! Very interesting. I grew up being told to be brave, suck it up, men don’t cry.

    Have you heard the quote: Do that which you fear most and the fear will go away.

    This has worked for me. I don’t know if it’s great advice but I have always remembered it.

    Your article was very enlightening Eric. Thanks!

  9. Having at least one person in you’re life is a great way to get over some of the fears. It will also help when you realize that fears are just irrational thoughts that stem from beliefs that no longer serve a purpose. I appreciate you for taking the time to comment and hope you will do so again in the future.

  10. Great article. More or less most people relate to some of these fears. The point is to have support from your family and friends and find ways that will help you overcome them. There are some really good suggestions here and can be used as a starting point for anyone who has similar problems in their lives.

  11. Just like I was telling andy, the fears or anxieties you experience are usually from an underlying root cause. Somewhere in the past, you happened to learn that you needed it to handle what was happening in your life. If you decide you would like to go in and do some work you will be able to remove all of them. Just let me know and I can suggest the best place for you to start.

  12. Oh yes, I am typically shy and all these fears….I know them. I can’t control them or stop them. I have to be REALLY comfortable with a person for them to diminish. I work on my people skills, but I still feel like I have two left feet and two arms. Hopefully I will get there!

  13. I am glad to hear you were able to get through and find a solution. Sometimes these are just the symptoms of much bigger issues and you will really need to overcome more than just the fears.

  14. Really good post, I’ve experienced some of those top 10 fears in my life, luckily I had a lot of support around me to help overcome them. I am sure other people will find use in this article.

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