Picking up where the last blog left off, you are learning how to overcome self-sabotage.
I have titled this one self-sabotage recovery because I think it sounds better and hopefully this way it will rank so people who need it will find it easier.
I mentioned comfort zones in the last post, this time I am going to cover all the possible ways that you can identify and change your behaviors.
Sounds good? Let me know what you have issues with at any time so that I can develop another post and cover those issues as well.
In my experience self-sabotage is a dangerous behavior that you do without wanting to do it.
There are quite a few actual ways that it happens and it’s better that you know about all of them just in case you do it.
From the beginning of your life, you have been learning these from other people. (These are included in your self-image.)
Usually your parents but from almost any authority figure that you might have looked up to in some way or another.
These are both intentional and unintentional things, habits may be a better way to label it. As you know habits can be very useful but can also be very dangerous things if you are not careful.
Your goal is to find out which habits you have that are beneficial, and which ones are the harmful and self-sabotaging ones.
This will reduce much of the unnecessary anxiety, frustrations, and doubts that you are experiencing.
One more thing to say before going over the 5 ways. These habits are located in the subconscious part of your brain so that it’s going to take a few tricks to interact with it.
This will require a pattern to be set up and that is the solution to busting through and removing those self-sabotaging habits once and for all.
Overcome self-sabotage using memory recovery
This is the same process I mentioned in the previous post, but with one difference.
You will be learning how to select your thoughts which is an ability.
Because it’s an ability there are different levels to it and there are also steps you should follow.
You need to have a place to start and it should be one of the most destructive areas of your life which are painful.
The memories that hurt the most to think about are the examples or stories you replay often in your mind. These keep holding you back despite the potential you may have.
You are dealing with your subconscious mind and specifically your inner voice which right now is your worst critic. By referring to it as your inner critic, you can speak directly to it.
This is done with affirmations, stories, and meditations. That will be important to create yourself using the strongest memories which will be recovered through these steps:
- Step one – Distance yourself from your inner critic by telling it to stop bringing you pain.
- Step two – Think about your parents and write down all their bad habits and limiting beliefs which you no longer need.
- Step three – Destroy the barriers you have put in place to shield yourself from that pain in step one.
- Step four – Build brand new positive beliefs, values, and habits.
- Step five – Establish a routine which implements your new way of thinking.
Looking at step one you need to know how you tell your critic to go take a long walk off a short pier. I actually like to think of putting a bullet in its head because I am a bit twisted in that way.
What this really means is that you will acknowledge it and not listen to it so that it starts to become quieter. Eventually, it will stop randomly bringing you pointless critiques.
Something like I hear you inner critic, but I prefer to think of (use a positive experience or story that you have created which is true.) Just like you would hopefully instruct a student by patiently telling them that’s not the answer I was wanting, instead this is a better example.
When you are able to catch your inner critic doing that often it will eventually start to learn what it is you are wanting. It’s just a matter of time until you train it the way you want it to be.
Overcome self-sabotage which your parents taught you
This is step two or the second way to recover from self-sabotage. In this step, you want to specifically locate and start to remove those useless thoughts that you had learned from your parents.
To do this you need to go back into your life story and figure out which areas brought you the most pain, which areas you developed that at the time might have been helpful, and understand why they no longer help you as an adult.
As a child, I was shown that to get your message across to anyone, that you needed to get loud, angry and start hitting people who didn’t listen to you.
This worked well as a child but in adulthood, I will get sent to jail eventually. I was lucky to learn not to hit people pretty quickly but the anger and the loudness stuck around for decades.
Keep in mind that the more bad habits you learned, the more you will need to work on. This means that the process could take weeks, months, or longer depending on what you need to be replaced.
There is no preferred way to do this, just start with a painful habit that you know needs to be removed and practice training your mind to eliminate it and to do the opposite.
I like to meditate and use my own created affirmations, you may want to come up with a story that proves how beneficial it is to practice doing that opposite.
You can meditate, you can visualize, you can use flashcards and memorize it if you like. The point is to work on these and to spend a decent amount of time so that your mind learns what it is your wanting it the learn.
How to remove and recover from the defenses that are in place
Once you know what the bad habits are you can practice identifying those defenses. In my example, I used anger and being loud to get people to pay attention to me.
To start working on the anger and loudness I looked first at how I could predict it coming. An example of that is me trying to talk to somebody who I see isn’t looking directly at me.
When I notice that trigger, I develop an alarm that goes off in my mind which reminds me not to yell and get angry. This one is still a bit harder, because what happens if you are dealing with a lot of things at one time.
It will happen that you have multiple triggers that alarm you all at once and you don’t stop yourself from becoming enraged. This is why it’s important to be self-loving and forgiving because these are gonna happen.
There will always be reminders that none of us are perfect. Bad days are still gonna exist and the best you can do is have a plan so that you can relax fairly quickly.
Another great reason to practice meditation, because you can take a break anywhere and sit in some type of quiet place to practice letting go of things.
I will see if I can create a post that will cover various defenses that you may have and how to overcome them. If this is something you would like me to do then say so in the comments.
New Beliefs for a new well-trained mind
I am going to keep this part brief because I have already written several posts that will assist in doing this. For right now if you haven’t already figured out your core beliefs I will suggest you go here.
For values, there are a couple of really good posts that will show you what these are. The main thing about values and beliefs are they are related to one another.
An example of a value is a desire to be happy, the belief that would follow is something like treating other people as you would yourself. That can also lead to one about loving yourself as the most important reason to be alive.
That one value can lead to lots of different beliefs and overtime your goal is to come up with as many positive ones that you can so that you will have them to look at when the need arises.
You could have many different values, the point is to have a prioritized list of the most important ones. This way you can use that to create all the current and new beliefs that you will need.
Habits are the things that you actually do daily, weekly, monthly which will make up your behaviors and actions. You may have a morning routine that consists of several habits.
Example wake up at eight a.m. is a positive habit, hit the snooze button 10x could be a negative habit. You will figure these out as well with the goal of replacing all your negative habits with positive ones which you can become proud of.
Routines are important to keep you moving in the right direction
As you learn and develop a brand new way to live your life, there is one way to keep you doing all the right activities. That is where routines come in because these are planned and unplanned actions and behaviors.
I mentioned a morning routine in the last part because that is what happens when you plan your day into sections. To do this you will want to create a schedule which will optimize your time.
By doing things on a schedule you gain quicker results. Rather than be stuck and have to come up with something you think you should be doing, you will have a nice schedule to look at to keep you on track.
How do you create these optimized routines, habits, and schedules? It takes some trial and error initially to come up with the action plan.
This is because you need to test out what priorities to place on what actions. Example: looking at the morning routine above, you know hitting the snooze button is a waste of time.
You would much rather adjust your time and get to bed earlier so that you start waking up on time every day. To make this adjustment you continue setting your alarm, instead of going to bed at midnight you try eleven pm.
After getting used to the time difference you have started to wake up a few minutes before your alarm sounds. This removes the need to hit the snooze button and it benefits you in a few ways.
You start to feel more rested, this extra time allows you to meditate for five minutes, after that you engage in something physical to get your blood pumping.
This also allows you to make a healthy breakfast and your energy stays up all day. More on this topic in another post, for now, I want to go back over what you have learned.
Overcoming self-sabotage and recovering your life
Whether you’re a mess like I was or just looking for a better understanding of what self-sabotage is. There are five ways to overcome the problem that holds you back.
With proper practice and a decent amount of patience, anyone can become happier and also be more successful in their lives.
Make sure you do all five ways in order to become the best you that is possible. With this new and wonderful outlook on life, you will become an amazing and capable part of the universe.
For more about this topic make sure you read the two parts that came before this post. Self-sabotage recovery is absolutely possible when you commit to doing the work necessary.