A pretty great idea isn’t it? To find a way of overcoming anger and resentment is to give up on hatred and jealousy.
Bydoing this you will be able to become a positive and more caring loving person.
One of my earliest memories relates to my first and 2nd years in preschool, and yes most children only go through it one time if any.
But I was a very special child, so full of life and filled with emotions.
Both of my parents are alcoholics, which meant as a wee little boy, I learned all about negative emotions and feelings.
In a way, I was born to become a teacher who could relate to everyone.
Suffering is what I know well, and what I am usually feeling, well was usually feeling.
That is before I made a decision and chose to live and become a better person.
This is also how I became so interested in the subject of helping others learn to love themselves. Anyways, back to the preschool days.
You may or may not think of a tiny child as a monster, in a way that is what I believe I was. A lot of people who live through issues at home take what they learn out to the public.
For this reason, I was a mirror image of that monster which terrorized us at home. I would go to school only to take the toys and bombard all the other kids.
Obviously, that didn’t sit well with the two women who were in charge and they constantly moved me away from the heaviest and most damaging toys.
My memory is being behind the rectangular building blocks that at the time were bigger than my head.
I think they were homemade from something like shoe boxes or kleenex boxes.
They didn’t weight much of anything.
But even they became weapons, for I wouldn’t throw them I would use them to beat the other kids who crawled too close over the head.
Needless to say, I had to stay an extra year in that setting until I was taught how to properly interact with other people.
This never did happen to change me, they just had no choice since my little brother was scheduled to start that next year.
Lucky for me, I moved on to the next grade of kindergarten.
Which didn’t seem to be much of a difference? What was the point of me telling you this?
To show that even at a very early age, anger is a result of our environment.
I acted the way my parents behaved toward each other.
This is something I have no resentments about now, but I used to hate the fact I was held back.
That is where my problems really started, you could argue that it was even earlier.
There is a problem we must first look into solving and that is the entire point of me writing this post.
That problem is where and how to find this anger and resentment inside of yourself.
Where does this stuff reside, and how to go in and destroy it? Could you perhaps go back and understand who in your life you may have any anger or hatred towards?
Yup, that seems to be a great way to get started and that is how you’ll get going. But not just by looking at what had happened, you need to understand the why so you don’t keep trapping yourself again and again in the future.
To do this part you need to know more about a few other things.
Which one person should you be most forgiving of?
At this point, you need to be thinking of yourself, because if you answer anyone else then the rest of this will be out of order.
Another area to look at is where you could have learned anger from, where you could have experienced resentment first, and how it’s been inside of you for so long.
When all of these factors are known you can begin your work to overcome these and go into becoming a loving and caring person in regards to yourself.
Then after that, you will be able to look back at everyone you have ever felt these two things about and go into the details of fixing them.
Anger becomes hatred, and resentment lingers
Knowing that anger overtime becomes hatred does this change how you start to work on it inside of yourself? Does it matter how long it’s been there or is it fine to just go after each point that you can remember?
Go back to early childhood and think about when you first experienced anger. Was this a result of something you did or was there somebody else that could have influenced you?
For most people, this will take you back to your parents, and may include an argument that you witnessed.
Somewhere in there you became worried and learned that it was fine to release anger as a way to express your feelings.
That likely means a normal conversation which started to heat up and got louder and louder before you. For me, I get taken back to several altercations between my parents.
They drank and would get home after all of us kids were in bed sound asleep.
You may not have something that is this vivid because it could just be a simple need of yours that didn’t get met.
You may not remember an argument but somewhere in your memory, there was a time you experienced this emotion.
Or you were shown what it was because that is the only way to learn it.
Knowing that a cause of your anger is buried inside, you learn that to remove it is to acknowledge and then release it from its importance.
Another way to say this is to practice forgiving and loving whoever taught you what anger was.
That for me is the best way to start working on anger and resentment.
Going forward we will continue trying to see ourselves with that emotion, and the same thing will be needed. Forgiving ourselves if it was anger we felt or forgiving the people if they were angry at us.
Some people will find a tremendous amount of anger in their lives and this process could take a while. For others, it may just need a quick look back and things will change in no time at all.
The deeper the anger the more difficult it becomes.
Overcoming these negative emotions
For every person in your life, you need to come up with a positive and loving story. It doesn’t need to be one that is lengthy but it also doesn’t hurt if you can go as much in-depth as possible.
Some people have amazing memories and this process will not be anything that takes a lot of effort. In any case, you will find that the more you can write about the people you have known.
The easier it will be to practice this in the present, and looking forward towards the future. But don’t get yourself preoccupied about these until it’s where you actually end up.
One point of going back to create these positive stories is to bring out negative thoughts, negative emotions and behaviors into the light.
Everything I teach you has a purpose, and by the time you finish getting these done, you should feel happiness starting to pour out of you.
But don’t worry if you don’t feel that different. It requires time to pass for the changes to take place.
Punishments and consequences to your actions
You had probably guessed this was coming at some point because you had to learn about rights and wrongs. For this to have happened it is likely or more importantly a definite that has happened to us all.
As much as I like to think about the use of positives to reinforce good behavior, the reality is most people react to something which is why they tend to get angry.
This then leads to some sort of punishment, which is another way of saying a consequence for your actions of being bad. Being bad implies that you did something that somebody else saw as wrong.
That then leads to the outcome which could have been painful. Hopefully, it wasn’t but I am more than aware of how the world works and negatives are many peoples go to punishments.
Rather than go into a long story about how bad my parents were at dealing out painful punishments, let’s just say I had many resentments towards both of them.
The next question that comes to mind is how do you forgive and release a person who has been at the core of your anger for a long time?
That was my question and to figure this out I just started recalling each memory. There is a warning that comes with this part because you shouldn’t try to bring up traumatic experiences without being able to process them.
Rather than go into depth when you are aware that something was traumatic, you may need a therapist or a close friend to be there for your support.
Don’t force any of these to happen, there will be benefits that can be gained by just doing the rest of them first. Getting yourself built up and more powerful.
Then with all of this going for you, it should be a much better time to deal with any trauma. And again don’t force this, if you don’t feel it will help skip it all together.
Looking at family and friends to deal with your resentments
Now that you have a better understanding of what it is you should do, it’s time to start thinking about people you have interacted with.
For most of you, it will be easier to start with the closest family and then name everyone that is included. Even if you don’t have an anger or resentment issue it’s a chance to list the positive ways you love these people.
After that think of friendships, including friends from school, sports, or any other areas that you recall. This is gonna be a different amount for everyone.
From their keep an ongoing list for the rest. The types of people to include are any authority figures, any events, any vacation areas, summertime, people on the school bus, or breaks from school.
For those of you who work, include bosses, coworkers, mentors, speakers, and so on. Anyone who has ever dated or gotten married you are likely to list some of your ex’s, rejections, or things that didn’t go well.
And for those of you who played any sports or extracurricular activities include coaches, teammates, referees, spectators, cheerleaders, and so on.
Also, let yourself just recall what you can for any people that don’t fit in elsewhere.
When you get this done or at least started, make sure to keep notes on how you feel before during and after each session.
What have you learned about overcoming anger and resentment?
The best way for you to become a happier person is to go back and identify all areas of your life where you could have been angry, or are still feeling resentments towards people.
After you do this, it will help tremendously if you can show yourself what it’s like to dissolve the anger and replace that emotion by being loving instead.
Avoid looking at trauma until you are ready and capable of handling things, or unless you decide to get a therapist. Sometimes it is still better to act a little cautious to avoid messing yourself up even further.
The number of people and the length of this will be different for everyone, leave yourself room to go back and add more people or memories as you remember them.
To overcome anger and resentment, you must practice being a loving and caring person. When you have succeeded in this exercise just don’t set it aside.
Reflect on it and be grateful to have met everyone and how much they have helped build you into being so wonderful. Let me know how you feel and if this helps you start to see more joy and happiness.