Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And Shame

Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And ShameThree things I want to bring to your attention today, they are about the feelings that you experience when in front of other people.

The biggest factor which stops you from taking action is an embarrassment, followed by shame and guilt.

Knowing that is going on, what can be done to overcome your fear of embarrassment and shame?

Ideally, you would be in complete control of things so that you never have to worry about embarrassing yourself or getting any fingers pointed at you.

But you know that it’s unavoidable in this tech age, because not only will you catch yourself doing something that is weird, other people are just as likely to record you doing it.

Your mind thinking about every possible (what if or what could happen) scenarios, creates so much anxiety how can anyone be comfortable leaving the sanctuary of there homes?

That’s your mission today, to discover the most embarrassing things you do so that you can keep them from harming you.

Seems simple enough, but how does it harm you? And how can you stop embarrassing moments from happening? You need to learn more about this because knowing about them will fix this problem.

We’ll get to that a bit later on, for now, you need to understand what it means to feel embarrassed and how that differs from feeling shame or guilt.To feel embarrassed you have to respond

Fear of embarrassment and why it happens

To feel embarrassed you have to respond to something specific after it happens, could you simply take out your response and have no embarrassment?

Or at least be in control of what you’re response actually is?

Think about all the different ways you can become embarrassed, from something you do or say, from something a friend does or says, from something a family member does or says, from the possessions you have or say you want, a thought that you share, an idea you have, your words, your actions, your behaviors, and your opinions.You get a feeling that you're being judged

It’s your response from one of these things which you get a feeling that other people are judging you about. You have to actually believe that another person cares enough about something to a point they will throw it back at you.

Also, you have to imagine that you care enough about what this other person thinks, that it will change what you have, do, say, or want so that it’s embarrassing.

The last part is that you have to want to stop them from thinking that way. Sadly you should already know there is no possible way to control somebody else thoughts.

Or is there?

Have you ever played the game truth or dare? And if so what does the game consist of? You have to tell a truth which is supposed to embarrass you or take a dare that likely is meant to do the same.Prove you can overcome embarrassment by taking dares

Do you see the word “game” and doesn’t that mean something is supposed to be fun? That is the mindset you need to create for yourself.

That nothing you do is actually that big of a deal and one of the best ways to prove it is to take dares of the things that scare you and are supposed to cause embarrassment.

I know, it’s just that freaking simple to overcome this stuff. And if you have followed along, you will schedule these dares to take place often that way you can turn them into positives.

That’s just the first way of dealing with this stuff so don’t worry there are others.

Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And Shame

Shame and guilt becomes scary because it’s caused by other people

Those bastards! Bare with me, they don’t necessarily do it on purpose, but yeah, it’s bound to be purposeful quite often.

This is because there are morals and ethics to keep society on a similar page, which also means there are many things you probably won’t agree on either which is just a part of the universe of changes you could try to make.When somebody else says you behaved badly it causes you to feel shame

When you do something that another person feels is morally wrong, they can let you know that you did something bad. This causes shame to be felt if you agree it’s wrong.

What happens when you don’t agree with the other person? No, you don’t punch them, but you can tell them nicely that they can go fly off.

But there is a problem that can occur, you become known as shameless since you do things which other people consider bad. Over time you will likely be called out as not having any honor.Guilt is you feeling bad about your actions or behaviors

It’s entirely possible that people will accuse you of being morally bad or up to something just because you’re close with a “villain”. Think about that for a minute, anyone with a bad reputation that you get along with can drag you down as well.

Then there is guilt, I feel bad because I did something that I know is against the norm. But I only feel this way because society would shun me for doing it.

Had nobody been around or ever found out I may or may not be feeling any remorse or guilt for my actions. These are negative feelings that can accumulate over time and will often lead to lower self-esteem.

Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And Shame

Clearly, you need to overcome these things, right?

I would hope so because they will result in inner conflict especially because of the values and beliefs you have about living your life.

This may be entirely false though because people go out into society and play games. The kind of things that are supposed to be fun but end up ruining other people’s lives.

They care only about themselves and their needs or wants and disregard everything that matters to the universe and people in general.

Needless to say, if you choose to live life as a positive and caring person you will want to understand what you do, and eliminate unnecessary actions and behaviors that go against the majority.

I will also be showing you why there’s a need for all three things in the world later on.When alone and nobody around you may not feel shame or guilt

Three more things to show you, guilt means I did bad, shame says I am bad, embarrass means I feel bad. Remember what each one means exactly the way I just put them.

None of these said I am wrong, I did wrong, or I feel wrong. That is because it’s open to interpretation, and that means it’s possible to be anti-social and not give a shit about any of this.

Since you don’t see a right or wrong mentioned, what you should realize is this isn’t about the law. It’s about the ego of a human who gets forced to feel these things and sometimes it’s not naturally how you would feel.

It’s imposed on us by other people who include yourself because you have probably accepted these things into your life.

Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And Shame

Overcoming the fear of shame, guilt, and embarrassment

This is the last point I am going to make before moving on to a different subject and it’s about rules to live by. Remember back to figuring out what your values and beliefs are?

You should also get familiar with morals and ethics because it can clearly save you from doing things which hurt. Perhaps you already understand them but in case you don’t, there are a few big ones that are easy to put into to use.

Love other people as you would love yourself. This one is the biggest because you have hopefully decided that you are the best reason to make progress.

You continue to learn so that you can develop the best abilities and skills possible.

This will make you invaluable as yourself and in the minds of other people. Now don’t worry too much about what other people think, it’s not that important in the big picture.Practice doing embarrassing things often to eliminate the fear

Just don’t sabotage yourself so that it’s a bigger mountain to climb. This has nothing to do with being intelligent, it’s about common sense.

The other big one is to not cause harm or suffering to others. This is a no-brainer as well because you need to stay focused on yourself and your own well being.

When you’re not practicing the two biggest morals then why live in society? Combine them both and you will see that you’re as close to being a perfect being as you can ever become.

The rest of life is just about fine-tuning the stuff you want to get better at doing.

The last two things to mention are about poise and tact. They both mean quickly recovering from an embarrassment where poise is for yourself and tact is when you do it for a friend or another person.

Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And Shame

What did you learn about feeling shame, guilt, and embarrassment?

Number one thing is when you’re embarrassed it’s brought on by your response to the situation. This can be controlled if you ignore things like other people judging you.

There are times you can face the fears ahead of time and disallow them so that you will not be bothered in that situation again. Practice doing the most embarrassing things often and you won’t give it a second thought.

People will try to shame you because they believe that you have done something bad. It’s not the same thing as wrong simply because it’s based on the culture of where you live.

Morals influence you to act proper and when you decide not to you feel guilty based on what you have accepted as morally significant.

The big two morals are, love yourself and love other people as much as you do you, and don’t cause anyone harm or make them suffer.

This is how you overcome your fear of embarrassment and shame, look for the next blog to cover this topic even more.

P.S Want to understand the benefits of creating your own blog? I will show you how to develop the types of skills you need to feel great about yourself. Click on this link to learn more, the best news is it’s free to start! 

About Author

Eric

How are things going with you? My name is Eric and I am owner and operator of Overcome Life Obstacles. My main goal with this website is to provide answers to anyone who was like me and got lost or stuck in their lives. While you are here I wanted to make sure you check out my click herewhich is where I got my start in affiliate marketing as well as with self-improvement.

10 thoughts on “Overcome Your Fear Of Embarrassment And Shame”

  1. How old is she and how long has it been rough for her? Some of the things have a way of working themselves out as she gains more experience. I am the type of person that tries to be 5-15 mins early everytime. One of the best ways to get more comfortable outside of yourself is to start getting to know the real you.

    One way is to get to the beliefs and values, those are where everything else gets set up. She may value being on time and start to experience irrational thoughts when the clock gets close to that time. The sooner you realize that it’s a value you can plan for things to go in that way. Like you said it doesn’t bother you, but you know it freaks her out.

    Until she gets her own freedom and can control more of her life, things are going to be up and down. The better you know her, and the better she knows herself, the easier it becomes to work on a schedule that satisfies. Let me know if you need anything I will get that information to you.

  2. Hi Eric,
    I really enjoyed this article. I am going to show this to my youngest daughter. She has a lot of social anxiety and I often believe that it links to these exact feelings. I can see by reading your article how we all react differently. Where I would not fret being 1 minute late, she would have extreme anxiety and embarrassment for walking in late. I think for her those feelings of embarrassment and shame (or the potential) become so amplified. I am going to have to help her to find ways to face those fears and feelings ahead of time better.
    Any other suggestions you had would be appreciated.
    Thank you!

  3. I think guilt is the easiest of the three because you have a lot of different ways to remove the guilt. Unlike shame, guilt is the feeling you create when something is considered bad. This means you have to believe what you do is bad before you will feel guilt. Shame, on the other hand, is where people can physically step in a say, hey, what you did is wrong and you need to be ashamed of yourself.

    They will try to force their beliefs on you to create guilt, anytime you try to say no thanks. You’re right about it being controlling, we get taught that everyone in authority should be listened to regardless of what they say. They want you to do it just because, or it’s the right thing to believe in.

    You can be embarrassed without guilt or shame, it happens because you let it happen. I feel bad because I looked foolish. I allowed myself to believe that other people were thinking that I am a fool. Sure if you hold on to it eventually you will be guilty, but not because of your action, instead, it’s due to you not listening to yourself.

    You feel guilty because you don’t understand that only what you believe about yourself matters and judgments are worthless. Regardless of whether I look foolish to you is pointless because I know I am enjoying myself and having fun. If you choose to be closed minded it’s your problem and not mine.

    I appreciate you sharing and I would like to welcome you to do so anytime. Thanks, Kim.

  4. Hey there Eric, I think guilt is one of the most controlling emotions we have. We grow up learning to feel guilty for behaving differently from what is expected. From the get-go, our parents use guilt to control our behavior and then if you’re born in a religious background, well religion relies on making people feel guilty to get them to conform to their standards.
    I think once you remove the guilt, you will have better control over the embarrassing moments.
    Kim

  5. I like to think of things in levels, this means that once you begin practicing you gain the ability to level up with your self-awareness. Over the course of practicing you become much better at controlling your responses to different situations. Eventually, you will gain a great amount of skill when it comes to embarrassments.

    When you’re confident enough to go out and purposely try to be different or act weird, it tests just how far you’ve come. There are even a couple things you can sign up and take to become better at removing these things. Improv lessons or acting lessons put you right into several new scenarios that will test just how comfortable you can be doing things.

    I appreciate you taking the time to comment and welcome you back to do so anytime Ariel.

  6. One thing to point out is there are ways to accomplish everything without feeling like your being judged. The mind gives you lots of different activities that will alleviate the fear without ever doing anything. The power of testing things out by creating visualizations can let you experience the joy of acting goofy intentionally.

    I like to test things out with people subtlely to see how they respond when it’s not apparent that I was purposely messing something up. This gives me reassurance that it doesn’t matter. I am able to do so because right now nobody has high expectations except for myself and that is only so that I get further in my goal setting than I would if I aimed short.

    The more courageous and goofy or the bigger the mistakes, the easier it is to remove that self-conscious feeling and allow it to be more observational. Eliminating the part of my mind that would instantly lead me to panic, and therefore gaining more poise and control over my reactions.

    I appreciate you taking the time to reach out and enjoyed your comment very much. Thanks, Michelle.

  7. Hello Eric, this was such a comprehensive article on what everyone at one time or another has to come to grips with. And as we navigate through this journey, we also learn that when we find that comfort space deep within our own heart of hearts, we no longer feel the pressure of being observed, judged or thought about by others. After all, I think embarrassment sometimes is just when we are not at our most comfortable.. and you said it all so well. Thank you. As you said above, once we have this self-awareness, there is no longer the overriding sense of shame fear or guilt. In peace and gratitude, Ariel

  8. Hello Eric,
    Great article! My fave line – ‘Three more things to show you, guilt means I did bad, shame says I am bad, embarrass means I feel bad. Remember what each one means exactly the way I just put them’.
    You have dissected it so well and made it so clear.
    Yes, it is subjective in the long term and we all need to remember that ultimately, we have to live with ourselves and our image in the mirror – not the man outside. So yes, be strong and build your self-confidence and be ready to bounce back if it ‘gets to you’, reminding yourself that this too will pass – my famous 4 words!
    Thnx for sharing.
    Michelle

  9. Thanks for your insight Thabo,

    The focus is about not overreacting, you’re aware enough to know when you behave or act weird. This gives you the opportunity to respond in a way that shows that it’s not a big deal and you can easily continue on. By understanding what you may be susceptible to, you eliminate the need to worry since you already have built a few experiences to draw upon.

    This will give you the ability to keep calm and remain cool where another person may become flustered and panic. With enough poise and practice, it’s almost automatic how you deal with embarrassment, shame or guilt. Because this self-awareness is how you take control of your fear.

  10. Hi Eric,
    This is a very engaging post. I think self-awareness is key to not only understanding how you feel about yourself, but to also being able to pick cues as to how people see you. When you are self-aware you understand how your feelings effect others and are thus better able to take more control of a situation. It means that in time you’ll have the self-esteem to be less swayed by feelings of shame or embarrassment. What do you think?

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