Three things I want to bring to your attention today, they are about the feelings that you experience when in front of other people.
The biggest factor which stops you from taking action is an embarrassment, followed by shame and guilt.
Knowing that is going on, what can be done to overcome your fear of embarrassment and shame?
Ideally, you would be in complete control of things so that you never have to worry about embarrassing yourself or getting any fingers pointed at you.
But you know that it’s unavoidable in this tech age, because not only will you catch yourself doing something that is weird, other people are just as likely to record you doing it.
That’s your mission today, to discover the most embarrassing things you do so that you can keep them from harming you.
Seems simple enough, but how does it harm you? And how can you stop embarrassing moments from happening? You need to learn more about this because knowing about them will fix this problem.
We’ll get to that a bit later on, for now, you need to understand what it means to feel embarrassed and how that differs from feeling shame or guilt.
Fear of embarrassment and why it happens
To feel embarrassed you have to respond to something specific after it happens, could you simply take out your response and have no embarrassment?
Or at least be in control of what you’re response actually is?
Think about all the different ways you can become embarrassed, from something you do or say, from something a friend does or says, from something a family member does or says, from the possessions you have or say you want, a thought that you share, an idea you have, your words, your actions, your behaviors, and your opinions.
It’s your response from one of these things which you get a feeling that other people are judging you about. You have to actually believe that another person cares enough about something to a point they will throw it back at you.
Also, you have to imagine that you care enough about what this other person thinks, that it will change what you have, do, say, or want so that it’s embarrassing.
The last part is that you have to want to stop them from thinking that way. Sadly you should already know there is no possible way to control somebody else thoughts.
Or is there?
Have you ever played the game truth or dare? And if so what does the game consist of? You have to tell a truth which is supposed to embarrass you or take a dare that likely is meant to do the same.
Do you see the word “game” and doesn’t that mean something is supposed to be fun? That is the mindset you need to create for yourself.
That nothing you do is actually that big of a deal and one of the best ways to prove it is to take dares of the things that scare you and are supposed to cause embarrassment.
I know, it’s just that freaking simple to overcome this stuff. And if you have followed along, you will schedule these dares to take place often that way you can turn them into positives.
That’s just the first way of dealing with this stuff so don’t worry there are others.
Shame and guilt becomes scary because it’s caused by other people
Those bastards! Bare with me, they don’t necessarily do it on purpose, but yeah, it’s bound to be purposeful quite often.
This is because there are morals and ethics to keep society on a similar page, which also means there are many things you probably won’t agree on either which is just a part of the universe of changes you could try to make.
When you do something that another person feels is morally wrong, they can let you know that you did something bad. This causes shame to be felt if you agree it’s wrong.
What happens when you don’t agree with the other person? No, you don’t punch them, but you can tell them nicely that they can go fly off.
But there is a problem that can occur, you become known as shameless since you do things which other people consider bad. Over time you will likely be called out as not having any honor.
It’s entirely possible that people will accuse you of being morally bad or up to something just because you’re close with a “villain”. Think about that for a minute, anyone with a bad reputation that you get along with can drag you down as well.
Then there is guilt, I feel bad because I did something that I know is against the norm. But I only feel this way because society would shun me for doing it.
Had nobody been around or ever found out I may or may not be feeling any remorse or guilt for my actions. These are negative feelings that can accumulate over time and will often lead to lower self-esteem.
Clearly, you need to overcome these things, right?
I would hope so because they will result in inner conflict especially because of the values and beliefs you have about living your life.
This may be entirely false though because people go out into society and play games. The kind of things that are supposed to be fun but end up ruining other people’s lives.
They care only about themselves and their needs or wants and disregard everything that matters to the universe and people in general.
Needless to say, if you choose to live life as a positive and caring person you will want to understand what you do, and eliminate unnecessary actions and behaviors that go against the majority.
I will also be showing you why there’s a need for all three things in the world later on.
Three more things to show you, guilt means I did bad, shame says I am bad, embarrass means I feel bad. Remember what each one means exactly the way I just put them.
None of these said I am wrong, I did wrong, or I feel wrong. That is because it’s open to interpretation, and that means it’s possible to be anti-social and not give a shit about any of this.
Since you don’t see a right or wrong mentioned, what you should realize is this isn’t about the law. It’s about the ego of a human who gets forced to feel these things and sometimes it’s not naturally how you would feel.
It’s imposed on us by other people who include yourself because you have probably accepted these things into your life.
Overcoming the fear of shame, guilt, and embarrassment
This is the last point I am going to make before moving on to a different subject and it’s about rules to live by. Remember back to figuring out what your values and beliefs are?
You should also get familiar with morals and ethics because it can clearly save you from doing things which hurt. Perhaps you already understand them but in case you don’t, there are a few big ones that are easy to put into to use.
Love other people as you would love yourself. This one is the biggest because you have hopefully decided that you are the best reason to make progress.
You continue to learn so that you can develop the best abilities and skills possible.
This will make you invaluable as yourself and in the minds of other people. Now don’t worry too much about what other people think, it’s not that important in the big picture.
Just don’t sabotage yourself so that it’s a bigger mountain to climb. This has nothing to do with being intelligent, it’s about common sense.
The other big one is to not cause harm or suffering to others. This is a no-brainer as well because you need to stay focused on yourself and your own well being.
When you’re not practicing the two biggest morals then why live in society? Combine them both and you will see that you’re as close to being a perfect being as you can ever become.
The rest of life is just about fine-tuning the stuff you want to get better at doing.
The last two things to mention are about poise and tact. They both mean quickly recovering from an embarrassment where poise is for yourself and tact is when you do it for a friend or another person.
What did you learn about feeling shame, guilt, and embarrassment?
Number one thing is when you’re embarrassed it’s brought on by your response to the situation. This can be controlled if you ignore things like other people judging you.
There are times you can face the fears ahead of time and disallow them so that you will not be bothered in that situation again. Practice doing the most embarrassing things often and you won’t give it a second thought.
People will try to shame you because they believe that you have done something bad. It’s not the same thing as wrong simply because it’s based on the culture of where you live.
Morals influence you to act proper and when you decide not to you feel guilty based on what you have accepted as morally significant.
The big two morals are, love yourself and love other people as much as you do you, and don’t cause anyone harm or make them suffer.
This is how you overcome your fear of embarrassment and shame, look for the next blog to cover this topic even more.