I wanted to take the time and address one of the biggest reasons why shy people tend to get discouraged and give up.
By living with fear and anxiety we begin to destroy our chances of getting better.
This isn’t just something we can wish away, and it takes a really strong desire to want to change yourself.
I know because I used to be terrified of many things myself.
And I can tell you things just kept getting worse until I decided I had nothing left to lose by confronting this stuff.
Removing fears will need to be done one by one. Expectations should only be based on a willingness to change slow and steady.
Being shy while also fearing situations that trigger anxiety and getting over what scares you isn’t the same thing as most people think.
Knowing this will be slow you really need to ask yourself how much it would mean if you could do everything you wish you could do and not be scared to death of what anyone thinks but you.
Expectations and wanting results too quickly
Do you fully understand yourself and why you want to be something different then you are right now? This process is gonna be one question after another because the point will be in discovering what and who you really are.
There is a myth out there that says we should be able to buy a book and learn every trick in that book to change ourselves overnight. The problem is I haven’t found that book yet which teaches me the right tricks.
People are different and knowing this, it’s impossible to find one solution that works for a fit all approach. This is the main reason I wanted to research this topic and understand the changes personally before I start recommending anything to anyone.
I myself have hoped for some magic pill, and know they really don’t exist. There is no pill or magic way to fix what we consider to be broke.
This way of viewing ourselves is the first thing we need to identify and change. We are not broken, we are just lacking the right experiences which shape what and how we feel when other people are around.
Another important reason to understand is that there really are different degrees of shyness. Because of age, gender, and physical traits, none of us can have the same experiences.
In order to create any kind of help, we have to start to understand our minds and what our beliefs really are being based on.
What will be required before you even consider making a change
I wrote about comparisons in my last article, and the fact that these cause us tremendous amounts of difficulty when figuring out what means what to us.
This is because we need to identify a starting spot to begin to suggest a course of action.
If you have no idea where you are at on a scale it does nothing in knowing where anyone else resides.
Knowing whether something is a weakness or not will help us pinpoint a place to begin.
Then we can challenge ourselves to see just how much more we need to get moving forward.
For this to work, that starting point really has to be found.
We do this by a process known as self-discovery, you may or may not know what this is but it’s asking yourself questions so that you can go back later and answer them again.
Down the line, we will do this every so often so we can make the assessments in progress.
Get yourself prepared for a lot of questions that are meant to make you think really deeply.
Once you get yourself prepared for what it takes
This will start off with simple how do you feel, what do you know, where are you wanting to go questions. In order to be ready, it’s helpful to get a schedule set.
What do I mean by schedule? This is important because this is ongoing, and requires you to master each part. So a schedule will be a place to map out and plan a routine for each behavior we are gonna work on changing.
The more struggles you identify with self-discovery means going through different routines to get over them. Another way to look at it is based on what you find scary or uncomfortable.
Doing things or eliminating things a little at a time until the changes are made. These often will not be noticeable changes that you can see each day, but over longer periods of time, you should see great improvements.
One early mistake I made was telling nobody and expecting my schedule to go off without a hitch. If you do things in secret it changes the results you get.
Make sure you stick to a schedule and don’t let other people prevent you from that schedule.
Often easy steps become more complicated and lead to more frustrations. Becoming aware of these ahead of time makes it possible to create smooth transitions.
Actions require commitment from us to work
Doing something for a few days and then nothing after isn’t going to work. There is no point in trying to start something without a desire to see it through.
Commitment means you will go above and beyond what your mind tells you in order to keep trying. No amount of effort is going to help without a consistent pace.
This means doing something every day, every week, or for months at a time before trying anything different. I can personally tell you that conversations are hard and that it’s by far the most complex issue I have had.
There won’t be as many solid ways to predict what anyone will actually say. This is why we need to know as much as we can prior to going toward a goal here.
It’s almost cliche to say talk to the people you know first and then test things on people you are less familiar as you go. But it’s necessary, and it’s actually easier with a community to help.
Living with fear and anxiety will change as we learn
Because of confidence gained and progress made, eventually our goal is to make these tasks take less effort. When we actually are able to practice enough it starts getting done subconsciously.
By gaining a full awareness of what we need to prioritize, we can expect ourselves to become more capable of doing the easiest tasks first.
Here are some things I want you to focus on before establishing your routines before you become frustrated you want to have a way to relax.
I strongly recommend you learn some techniques for meditation or mindfulness because these will not only let you dive deeper into understanding yourself but will also help to eliminate anxiety caused by worrying.
Expectations are often too high and need to be pushed away so we can focus on each goal. Being shy and getting over what scares you won’t be easy.
Because living with fear and anxiety is essential to overcome, we must take every step seriously and give it our all every day. Without making the changes our existence will just keep getting worse.
When you get stuck go back and revisit your reasons for why this means so much to you.