Starting with a desire, a problem, a need, or a want which stirs up some kind of curiosity.
Maybe you start with the question, is this all I am meant to do with my life?
Is there a way for me to make more money?
Am I doing everything in my power to create the best life for myself?
Somewhere inside of you will be an idea that you can achieve more, but where do you go to figure this out?
You may not even start out quite like that, for me I started out by following an ad that said I could make money online.
This was already something I was trying to do but with limited success because I knew only about survey sites like Swagbucks.
My first try with online marketing brought up many doubts and concerns because I have not had a serious job where I got the chance to learn or to use my existing skills.
Honestly, I was skeptical of my own abilities to communicate with other people because I had led a life so far where I learned to keep my distance from most people.
That was in defense of some other life issues that I wound up learning much more about.
So this showed me that there is a need somewhere to help people who are like myself. People who are stuck in a place in their own life that isn’t going very well.
Going into something like internet marketing sounded easy, learn how to write and find problems which are big enough that other people will love you for solving things.
Turned out that it’s not as simple as creating something because you really have to learn everything from scratch.
Of course this might not be the case for everyone so it will depend on each person’s previous background, experiences and knowledge or skills.
Jumping in with a lot of questions, a lot of training, and a lot of different people who have been doing what you want to do for a while, isn’t without its issues.
As I was in the middle of all these new challenges, I started to try and find things written or created that would speak to me directly.
Those things didn’t really exist because I am what you would call a lazy self learner.
Another way to say it is I learn by being in the mix and having the lessons shown to me by one person.
I understood the basics and I understood the reasons and benefits behind doing things as it was laid out in front of me.
But it’s still not every single detail down to the next decision that would make it seriously easy.
My first website got to around 73 posts, 20 pages, lots of words and images but was missing most everything else.
That is around the time I knew I had to dive in deeper to my own personal matters.
Or the things about myself that I didn’t even understand so that I would be able to commit to the skills necessary to complete more annoying things.
Can I learn to be more patient, can I learn enough new skills, can I get organized, will I be able to write in a way that people will want to read more of?
Endless kinds of negative thoughts and self defeating behaviors.
This led to a conclusion that there was something far more important that I must learn before I will be able to find success in creating a website that will help other people.
Of course there are millions of websites already online and they cover damn near everything that you could come up with.
So, you will need a great idea to try and help other people while earning a living by working on.
My continued debate which is what I called my inner dialogue, kept pointing to certain reasons why I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Why would I be worthy of building something successful, I have had nothing but problems my entire life so far?
That line of thinking got me to look at what I was coming up with on my first website.
It was for online video games but there was very little passion in writing about the games, since I didn’t have a chance to play all the ones I was wanting to play.
My next move was to begin looking at myself with a microscope, another member of the community I belong to suggested I look up what having a fear of success means followed by learning what fear of failure was.
Obviously that is where I found that I had way more to learn than I had ever imagined.
Inevitably I came across all sorts of new problems which I wasn’t aware of about myself which stacked up to the tip of the tallest building in my own mind.
When you read the earliest post on my newest website you will see that I was chasing an understanding of why I was shy.
At first I was following the search engines and relying on websites that all seemed to say the same exact things.
Seeing the same things often and repeated almost verbatim must mean it’s true right?
Nope, that just meant people were trying to recreate the very same thing that another person was doing in an attempt to fool me into buying something.
My Frustrations Quickly Grew Out Of Control
I found myself taking the bad advice and writing up in my own words what everything was telling me so I could start gathering a play book of information to try out.
This turned into a nightmare because I was getting nowhere very quickly and the enjoyment of writing thousands of words became non-existent.
I started to feel the same kind of hopelessness I was experiencing with the first website by this point.
So far I have been working online without success for over a year but to think that it’s been unsuccessful is a problem I must overcome.
The reason is that I am coming to realize that I have increased my level of writing by tremendous new levels.
I have learned so much new information that will eventually lead me to an income and that I must figure out how to finally believe one hundred percent in myself in order to keep at it.
But this doesn’t solve anything quite yet because all of that misinformation has to be removed from my mind and this led me into another area of study.
What did open my eyes and start me in a positive mindset?
Shortly after I researched and wrote an article about the 17 benefits of keeping a journal, it occured to me to keep a tally on what my thoughts were and when they would arise.
In the beginning I thought I was doing it the way that would help, but I quickly learned that just knowing about them didn’t change anything.
There is a lot more to it than just becoming more aware.
What is needed when you track your thoughts is also to understand your own mind and the emotions you experience.
Otherwise it’s just something you will be repeating again and again until you have all the information that is necessary to help yourself.
The entire time while I am writing my posts I am feeling as if I am travelling in circles going back over the same information many times.
All new things point back to the same concept, which is the question, what are your beliefs?
One main belief you must have is about you, meaning you absolutely must have a belief in yourself so that you can become unstoppable.
It goes on to say, that you will be able to do anything regardless of whether other people endorse or criticise you every step of the way.
A belief in yourself stronger than anything else!
This is the type of thing you hear once and think to yourself “I already have that or I would have killed myself long ago, right?” Wrong, it’s not as simple as just telling yourself to believe in yourself.
You must be able to convince yourself to believe that you have the strength, courage, confidence, knowledge, passion, desire, commitment, patience, and persistence to do whatever it takes to accomplish all of your dreams.
Or to at least be willing to learn how to obtain all of those skills. Whew! That sounds scary just thinking about it because how do I know when I have all of them?
This applies to any of the questions I ask myself before I go to look up the answers.
How do I know it’s the truth and how do I know it’s not just my perception finding something that will sound good, look good, and feel good?
That became a part of the exhaustion I was experiencing every morning when I would think about confirming what I was teaching myself to believe in.
The doubt kept creeping back into my thoughts which I was now able to notice and thought I was working to fix. But was it true or was I deceiving myself only to find out I would be wrong later on?
I looked up that answer and do you wanna take a guess at what I was able to figure out?
That part of the journey is to experience life with all the unknowns being revealed as you go.
Wow! That is not what I expected to learn because my mind kept saying that I had to avoid doing anything that was not already proven to work or that would be certain to benefit me.
Here is the revelation which got instilled in me
In order to understand when something works in my favor I must also be willing to take the risks that suggest I may fail many times.
But I cannot allow these risks to scare me to the point that I had been allowing them to do so in the past.
In other words, the only possible way to solve my personal issues was to learn to face life head on and that meant I had to understand what courage means.
So instead of doing the things I was used to doing and the ones that were the most comfortable, I had to attempt to do things that terrified me because that is how my mind was trying to protect me from failure.
That also meant that the only way to change something, was to fight through the pain of the uncomfortable feelings which go along with the actions I have to take to achieve my goals.
This has been proven to lead to success in people who didn’t stop trying no matter how many times they failed or how many mistakes they needed to make for them to learn.
Apparently in order to start believing in myself I had to figure out a way to not let anything stop me including my fears, my pains, and my emotions whenever I wanted something.
That also means that I needed to really become brave even if it means giving up on things I want right now so that I can get bigger things in life later on. (Making Sacrifices)
Poof! My mind stopped working for me!
It’s not that my mind quit or was needing a rest, it’s what I was trying to do seemed outside of my own abilities.
For instance, how can I be brave when something truly causes anxiety inside of me and my body doesn’t want to respond to what I know it needs to do?
Boom depression hit me and I was remembering all the times I have failed, have felt worthless, and have been stopped in my tracks by what somebody else had said to me or taught me.
Quickly I knew the feeling that I didn’t want to have any longer but how would it be possible when just thinking about changing something was making my hands tremble.
When I say it’s confusing at times this really may not justify the way I truly have felt because that was the only way I can think to put meaning behind the in actions.
An example is knowing what has to be done but coming up with an excuse time and time again to put off doing something you know will make a big difference.
This happened while I was learning to meditate, the same as when I was training myself to do self hypnosis, it’s like my mind didn’t understand why I wanted it to go along with my plans.
Once again I felt stuck, and not just stuck frustrated to think that I must be close to something that will have a huge impact on my life.
But this uncertainty knows when to show up and inflict chaos among my beliefs.
There was another hidden piece of the puzzle I couldn't find
This one piece took me a while to realize but what I was searching for and what I was finding pertain only to the problems I had on the surface.
For these other issues I needed to start back at the beginning of where I was influenced first.
That meant I had to look for the root of the problems which came to exist when I was a tiny child.
At this point in time I had already been working on all the memories I am able to recall and I took the initiative to create spots for things in my journal.
The part that I hadn’t done by now was to make a connection to what had happened and what was still going on to interfere in my life right now.
That meant I had to take a few more steps and test them out to see where it would lead me.
What I did was to create a few lists of the things I wanted, the things I didn’t have that seemed important, and the things I didn’t want to keep that I had already and wasn’t helping me.
Before I explain the reasons behind doing these let me ask you a question. Inside your own mind what are the dreams you have when you play out the best case scenario?
The things you come up with that you say with a catch to it like “in a perfect world I would be this and have that” or even if I had no more problems and money wasn’t an issue what would I be doing with my time?
This one is difficult for me because I have an alcoholic mind
One of the things I remind myself often about is that I can’t drink without getting myself into trouble which means I end up with a lot more problems than I would even wish upon an enemy.
How can you adjust a vision you have of the future that doesn’t involve something that you have fantasized about doing since you started doing it?
These are the images I had that I knew weren’t going to be good for me to have, but I still have to believe that it’s possible to do it in the future or I will get depressed and relapse now.
What happens in the mind of somebody that knows it’s a lie but cannot take the chance to exclude it later on?
This was the first major dilemma I had to face and figure out.
The reason I mention it here is so you can learn or at least have it in mind that you may have desires you must plan for and then not allow yourself to reach.
What does it mean to have a dream where I have complete freedom to do what I want?
Doesn’t that mean it has to include a relapse because at some point I won’t need to worry about messing up my life anymore?
I have taken all the necessary steps to get passed everything else that has been an obstacle all but this one thing.
Educate yourself about good and bad habits
What I learned when I started to understand how good and bad habits work, is that you plan ahead for things but will much more likely change your plans before you reach it.
This takes me a while to figure out because I am looking at only the bad habits I have at the moment and not the ones I had already removed that will still be a part of who I am.
I cannot retrace my steps in life without knowing that I used to be something that I am working my best to get passed.
This also means that in order to benefit and take things in small steps I can get away with changing plans as the need arises.
What I can do and simply must do is to create a way that shows how I benefited the most when I removed that habit from my way of living.
Which means I am able to create an angle where it existed to teach me a lesson that was a piece of the puzzle that helps complete who I will become.
This is essential for me to understand because I will be able to use it to teach myself and others by using any of the mistakes which are a part of my life.
It’s like a cautionary tale which warns you of the dangers but ultimately you will have to decide for yourself how you will deal with it.
The same thing is true when you hear about anyone else’s failures, they aren’t meant to scare you away from doing it, they are simply a warning that you can use to learn from or ignore and experience whatever outcome you will face when it’s time for you to face it.
Let's recap and quickly and move to the next piece
A belief in yourself must be greater than anything else.
You need a list of things that you will either work toward getting or work on removing and next you must figure out exactly the reasons those things will matter to the life you want.
These three things will be the ultimate set of “must haves” for you to come to a realization that you can change your life.
I have already mentioned the power you will gain when you do the first two and how it’s possible to get to this last point.
What I need from you is an even bigger desire to understand why you want the things you want.
Those will be the reasons that you will need to convince yourself and create the motivation essential to gaining them.
I am not going to cover my own reasons because they are personal to me. But I will come back with another post and give you some examples that you can use to get your own thoughts going.
Passion Is An Expression Of Who You Are
In the last part, I discussed two vital things which are believing in yourself no matter what and knowing what you truly want.
Today I want to step it up with another life changing chapter which is about passion.
The title passion is an expression of who you are means that in order for you to truly enjoy what you do in life, you need to ensure that it fully represents your true identity.
Imagine what it’s like to live without anything worrying you, there is nothing that is difficult because you are confident in all the skills you will be using.
To learn how this is possible you must follow the idea about living your life as if you are already in heaven.
This will work for any belief you have about life after death because it’s just you and the world you have created.
Using your imagination everything becomes possible because as you’ve learned, the subconscious mind believes what it sees and doesn’t use logic.
Every action you take is going to be without limitations and it’s going to be without any judgments or criticisms.
Where this becomes useful to what you desire is by placing all your effort into one passion that is an expression of who you are.
How do you find this passion?
It’s based on what you would do when you don’t have a care in the world about anything.
Now I know that it’s a treacherous path ahead for you to follow when you aren’t sure of yourself.
Remember in the previous part, why you are choosing to believe in yourself no matter what. This will give you the information you need to use to decide on your passion.
You will be giving everything you have to this one specific area and that is coming from what you know about yourself.
Once you decide that you will not treat yourself in harmful ways, that leaves only the best choices you will be making.
Here is an example to make this easier to connect with. Right now you know yourself better than anyone else, but you may not be willing to express what that would reveal to the world.
Instead, you secretly keep some things hidden which creates the stress and worry in your life.
You don’t want to have to deal with somebody else exposing your little secrets or discovering any of the imperfections about you.
Sometimes these things are even hidden from ourselves, because we push them away and deny that we are anything but the truth.
Obviously this isn’t a way to experience happiness or joy and it’s certainly no way to find pleasure.
When you have had it with lying to yourself there will be a need to admit that mistake, which will require a commitment or a vow to do things differently.
From that vow you will know what your passion in life needs to be. So whatever you figure out which needs to become your sole focus, is going to be your life’s purpose.
Now, I don’t want you to freak out and worry because this may not be the whole story. Clearly there is still a chance that you will change it to something else later on.
Understand this, you have the chance to work continuously on making yourself better which will mean taking lots of small steps along the way.
The purpose or the reasons you will have those many steps is so you can experience things and reinvent yourself as you go.
This means for every step you take you will be moving in the right direction which will achieve that life goal of yours. To refresh your memory, here is what you will need:
- Learn how to be yourself
- A Commitment to love yourself
- A Desire to be true to yourself
- A Passion to do what’s best for yourself
- Focus that consists of all your effort to improve yourself
- This gives you the freedom to do it all for yourself
Let's focus on each piece to the puzzle
Figuring out your essentials and a system to follow
There are many ways to learn more about yourself and each one is as important as the next. My favorite one is to start a journal where you can record all your daily thoughts, desires, feelings, emotions, and struggles.
Everyone who keeps a journal will find a way that works best for their situation, so I don’t want you to feel like you are doing it incorrectly or doing something that will make a mess of things.
The goal of getting to know yourself is so that you can actually start living true to who you are and not caring about the stuff that others are doing, saying, and thinking.
It doesn’t make any difference what another person says or does because you are working on yourself and that is all that really matters in this new environment.
What a journal will ultimately reveal, is that you have lots of individual obstacles or challenges that are preventing you from something you want.
This may be a simple thing like a joke you didn’t share or a big thing like a career change.
Imagine you are putting a puzzle together which in time as you place each piece will reveal another part of your true self. That is how you develop a full understanding of what it will take to find yourself.
Once you have something written down and are willing to explore it, you promise that you will not stop until you are finished.
In order to simplify the process, you will make a list of categories such as health, wealth, physical, mental, relationships, family, and anything else which is general and makes up a huge chunk of life.
For each one of those areas you will start making a list of subcategories, looking at health you may include staying up to date on vaccinations, regular checkups, diet, exercise, relaxation, or anything that fits.
What you will end up with is a system that you will be able to evaluate and make new commitments to.
By doing each part one at a time you will ensure that you don’t miss anything that will be important.
Practice rewarding yourself for achievements
Inside your journal you will want to create an entry that covers everything you can use as motivation (AKA rewarding yourself).
This can be whatever you will find appealing and that will be possible to upgrade as your momentum builds.
Starting off with a special treat for yourself and working up to a special dinner or a night out with whoever you want.
That way you see yourself following through and you can help feel that it’s a big deal and worth celebrating.
At this same time you will also need to develop a consequence for skipping or allowing your momentum to be broken.
That means you may need to take something away which you are looking forward to doing.
Something useful may be removing hot water from your shower and increasing that consequence by a day, week, or month to more severe as it needs to become.
This will be done as a trial so that you can tell which system will motivate you more.
Realize that you don’t want to remove something that is helpful like sleep, healthy food, family time or any activity which improves your self-love.
Another thing to mention is don’t attempt to use/restrict reading, writing, or researching unless it’s solely for entertainment and not knowledge based.
It’s one of many issues I have about forcing kids to read more as a punishment in school because it will only lead somebody to despise doing it more than they may start with.
Or using detention to teach kids to hate school even more than they already do.
Let’s talk about gratitude and being thankful
Along with the reward system you will find that building a ritual where you give thanks for everything you have and are learning, is going to help you stay in the right mindset for change.
Learning how to be yourself is something that requires change and transformation because there are a lot of bad habits which are picked up over time.
You can make the effort to become thankful about yourself and your abilities, what you know, what you have done, what you will do, and what you will become.
This also includes the people who you value, the friends you know, the family that keeps you down to earth, the network of online friends, and any other aspects of your life that holds some meaning for you.
I am not talking about spending a bunch of time on this but something like five or ten minutes every night before you drift off to sleep or in the morning as you’re enjoying a cup of coffee or breakfast.
It will help you become more aware about yourself and teach you what it means to care about your life.
Finding the magic on the other side
One thing that will become noticeable while you are working toward each step, is that you will be identifying your fears.
I read somewhere that fear can be dismissed when you realize there is a way to find the magic, when you face your fears.
This means that in order to gain the courage to do what scares you, you believe that there is a magical reason you are aware and afraid.
Conquering your fears is a way to build up your magical powers which will make you the envy of others.
There will be people who will let you know that they could never do what you did, because it takes a person who isn’t concerned about the outcome they will find.
That belief is about doing whatever it takes to prove to yourself that there isn’t any reason to worry.
The purpose is that you need this magic to create milestones which will continue to add up and allow you to face even bigger fears.
When you amass enough magic it will determine whether or not you can bounce back in case you get rejected.
The more magic you gain, the more protection you have and that inevitably builds you massive respect both from yourself and other people who you want to admire you.
An analogy of life based on a game
Rather than become dependent on your mind to keep you safe and secure, you learn to develop yourself in the ways of your favorite games.
I happen to love role playing video games so it really works well for me.
I am not telling you to play the role of a character, what I want you to do is to think of a game where there is a purpose or story.
This will allow you to see 3 things, the beginning, the end, and all the things in the middle.
By doing this you will have something you can compare yourself to that isn’t about life itself. Since you already know that messing up in a game is no big deal it will help you in your real life too.
To create the different save points that you can go back to is right there in your journal, and for every mistake you record you learn one more way to re-imagine the battle going.
When you can think this way about your own life you see that it’s full of many restarts and it’s no longer a big deal about messing anything up once or a thousand times.
So many times you will hear that a person has chosen to give up on themselves. This is a sick part of life that I want you to be resistant to because it will develop you in a better way of thinking.
How often do you hear about the mistake of some big time CEO or company that just reinvents itself and moves on to make billions more?
That is what you are doing for yourself when you keep records about everything.
It’s based on the knowledge you have and not on the actions you took.
Whenever you start to feel that your plans are about to unravel and backfire, pause, come back when you are not emotional and write about what you will do.
There are times while I am playing a game and I need to look something up in order to move past it.
This very thing is available to the entire world because of the internet.
Not only will you find solutions to problems that just came up, you will also be able to connect with a video, a walk-through, a discussion or an entire website dedicated to helping you out.
There is no problem that is too big for anyone to not find another person who can help.
Also, remember to give that person or group the thanks they deserve for helping you, it’s going to be appreciated.
What else is there to understand at this point?
You have skills that make it possible to assess the value you have, this will also determine the actions you take and the behavior that you can rely on to happen.
When I began searching for a way to figure out who I was, I didn’t have many things I could come up with that I called a skill.
In fact, I pretty much assumed that I needed to learn everything and had only weaknesses to work on.
This was of course part of the deception my negative mindset was showing to me.
To say I was full of resentment and anger would be an understatement, I even thought that everyone was better off dead than to live a life of pain.
I didn’t really have a clear idea of what happiness even meant, it just so happens when you face obstacles that seem to go on to infinity, there will only be suffering to look forward to.
That was were my expectations laid because I didn’t even realize that I had developed a skill to endure more pain.
Anyways, what I learned about skills did a mental flop which hit me all of a sudden.
By mental flop I mean aha moments because everything is a skill when you start to understand what a challenge truly means.
You have a unique way to view any situation and that really translates into something that will help somebody else.
Not everything will hold a great deal of value so it’s important that you develop a method of figuring out what things are valuable and to who.
That actually shows you that you can teach something because if it’s a problem to anybody, it may very well be valuable to do so.
The thing you must know is that sometimes you can do it but it will not feel good to do it.
Then it’s a challenge which you can attempt without expectations because it’s not important what actually happens, what is important is that you are able to express yourself through that.
In other words, you have a story to tell just like anyone else that will allow you to find other people that have things in common with you.
Your story – Your skills – Your strengths/weaknesses – Your struggles – Your solutions – Your message. That equals a fantastic way to try out building a website, writing a book, creating a course, making videos, creating info-graphics and you name it because if it’s useful or entertaining to somebody else, than it also has value.
What all of this translates into is your passion being found within this stuff. That also means your expression of yourself is how you tell others about what you did to continue growing and developing.
That even when you have doubts, worries, fears, mistakes, failures, consequences, behavior issues, mental instability and physical flaws.
You found a way to pick yourself back up every time it happened and that it’s helped shape who you are.
Stop thinking that you already know everything you need to know!
A point I want to mention is that you and me or anyone else has much more to continue learning.
You will not even understand everything you will not have had enough time to learn.
Your brain has only one flaw and that is it won’t live forever to guarantee you can keep learning more.
There isn’t a person alive or that exists who will live to see what eternity is, unless of course you believe that you died and are already in heaven.
Than the mission is simple, become all knowing just like God. Isn’t that really the ultimate dream, to understand all the reasons that life exists and why we became who we are?
Doesn’t that itself prove the existence of something greater than yourself?
That whoever knows the most will be named GOD! Knowing this shows me that there is already a person alive who knows more than I do, but I don’t call that person by that name.
I refer to them as a trusted source so that I can learn what I don’t know from them.
That is also one of the simplest ways to gain knowledge and understand more because anything you get from that trusted source will be stored in your memory.
What you do with that knowledge is your choice and it’s why you are unique.
Let's recap what we have learned
You are an expression of everything that makes you unique. There is simply no way to deny that you are not the same as anyone else, even if you are a twin, triplet, quadruplet and so on.
There are things you need to understand about yourself so that you can grow and develop the abilities that will help you practice being true to yourself.
All that means is that you find a way to love yourself for who you are, that way you can share it with the world and to help somebody else who needs to hear from you.
When you do all the work including placing all your effort into each step along the way, you will find a solution to all your problems and eventually figure out your passion.
This passion is an expression of who you are and consists of everything you know and believe in.
Learn more or change your beliefs and you will become anything that you want to become.