How To Stop Being Shy And Quiet? Struggling To Find A Voice

Imagine for a minute if you could completely change who you are?

What kind of things do you see yourself changing?

If you are anything like me, you probably have wanted to know how to stop being shy and quiet?

When I think back to everything I missed out on because I wasn’t able to speak up or ask for something.

And then seeing other people receiving those things by asking, I used to get so jealous and angry before becoming sad.

I have had this feeling many times throughout my life and can tell you it used to be a constant and ongoing problem. When I was growing up the internet wasn’t a popular thing, so finding solutions was a lot more difficult.

Today there are several ways to learn how to overcome being shy and quiet. The things you need to change your personality are actually quite simple.

One thing you need to learn is how to consciously act the way you want. This takes Woman with band aids on mouth showing she is shy and quiet

work and is only possible if it’s what you truly want.

I have wondered about certain things in my own life for example how I became so independent when everyone else around me seemed the opposite.

Like many others It wasn’t until sometime in high school that I even learned there was truly a difference between introverts and extroverts.

For me it wasn’t just about behavior, it was also about the feelings which became impossible to understand.

I learned and quickly became let down knowing that my own personality was holding me back from the life and fun I have always seen other people enjoying.

Struggling To Find A Voice 

That uneasy feeling where you have thoughts going on in your head, but nothing gets to a place where you are ever gonna say anything.

My entire childhood was a complete misunderstanding, I wasn’t aware enough about what options were out there, and I had all kinds of frustrations even by the time I was headed to college.

Sometime during all of this, I was introduced to the internet and a better way for me to communicate. Writing my thoughts was by far the easiest way to just get something off my mind.

Unfortunately, I was still left with a doubt whenever it came time to hit enter. Wondering if my words would be laughed at or thrown back at me so it was still not the solution I wanted.

Keep in mind things for me were different than now, most of what was on the internet had to do with either porn or news and that’s really it. I remember when I found a website with games and people to play against which is actually how my drinking problem got worse.image that says "personality held me back from being social"

I would stay up all night playing games and talk while I drank more and more not remembering some things I even said. For me, this would lead to the uneasy feeling of hoping I didn’t say anything stupid and wondering who I was even talking to.

All this would eventually lead me into alcohol recovery programs where I was introduced to something called personal growth.

What do I mean by personal growth and how does that phrase matter to you? It’s important because without a conscious desire to change yourself you are likely to not stick to something.

Being shy and quiet is what you know and what keeps you feeling safe and comfortable. Doing the exact opposite means you are not going to be comfortable and probably always feel like you need to escape.

Okay so it’s not impossible to be something different than who you are but it’s similar to training yourself to be somebody different. This means you really need to have a plan in place before taking any actions.Woman peeking over a book who is shy and quiet

What is so bad about being shy and quiet?

The best relationships don’t happen in groups, they happen by taking the time to get to know somebody. When you actually do this one on one with an entire group of people you remove a lot of that unknown.

For me, I get caught up in thinking about peoples eyes and the need to see what everyone is looking at while in the same room. It’s why I am most comfortable being behind people and not having 50 eyeballs going to unknown places.

The comfort level is the most suitable for me when I am also not the center of attention because I can never get my mind from trying to know what other people must be thinking.

That same type of obsessive thought where you must know the answer even when there isn’t one.

When the situation is one on one it not only reduces my stress it also allows me to listen better and then have the time to respond.

That is one of the best ways I have found to get through my shyness. What I like to do is to try and enter a room with just one person’s focus at a time.image that says " it's not impossible to be something different"

By doing this, I get to figure out who a lot more people are, and I also keep my calmness for at least twice the time if I didn’t. I know it works because for 30 years I have had to somehow cope without knowing any other way.

Techniques that keep you calm can make a difference

Did you know that you can also learn a few techniques like how to meditate which changes the level of anxiety you let impact you?

It seems kind of weird if you have never thought about it but even a very basic walkthrough video on how to relax and meditate can allow you to be a bit more outgoing with time.

You just need to understand that it’s not the fix all for your personality type. It won’t happen overnight and will only help very gradually but give you the necessary confidence that is needed to handle a highly stressful situation.

People often think that shyness means there is something wrong with them and that it’s really something that must be fixed.image that says " people often think that shyness means a problem"

But when you understand personal growth as the solution to many things throughout life you will learn a very important kind of coping skill.

It is one of my many goals to set forth a course for people like myself who want to be a lot of things but just don’t know how to find the answers. Just remember one more thing that it’s perfectly fine not to know how to do things.

We all go through many trials in life and it’s never a final thing if you work on your personality as a daily routine. Even if you don’t choose to take the advice I am giving to you about meditating there are many other things you can do to become anything you really desire.

Let me break down what personal growth isPerson walking alone who is shy and quiet

The little things that you do which make yourself into the skilled and confident person who others look up to and admire.

These are the routines you do every morning or every week and form into habits so you will eventually forget you are even doing them.

These can also be done on a subconscious level and many people have found all kinds of audio that will in time change your desired personality.

These are common for bad habits but work well just to develop good habits to start with.

Now you are probably thinking about what this really means for your own situation.

How to figure out what you really want after you complete the desired outcome of not being shy and quiet.

The moment you stop working on yourself things can regress to what it was, so it’s important to make the decision before you start that it’s going to be a commitment.

Anything less is just a waste of effort and will leave a person feeling stupid or perhaps a failure.

I can tell you that I have tested this out myself because when I stopped trying to improve anything, I began letting my bad habits catch up with me again.

Your brain is wired to go back to what is easy and comfortable which you are trying so hard to change.

Being shy and quiet is no different than being afraid 

It’s something that will stay with you until you take it on with a head of steam, it’s also something that you will regress too many times before you get the process nailed down.image that says " don't let fear keep you quiet you can overcome being shy"

I want to share with you a few sources that will help while you are undergoing this life change, for those that decide to actually go through with it.

There are always many useful things like books, videos, and articles like this one which can be a great guide.

The best way to get the hang of things is to follow other shy people because they are the same like-minded personalities like you.

Sounds a bit tricky I know, because how to meet other shy and quiet people when they don’t make it a point to always speak up.

One such way is a group or support group for those who are wanting more out of life. Maybe even start your own with a different interest than just being shy and quiet.

One which meets online or within something else that is fun and doesn’t put you on the spot.

It can be led by anyone who is willing to coach the group and be there to answer questions. Other helpful situations involve careers or hobbies and can make it quite easy to open up.

After this, you will want to start joining non-shy groups. We as humans catch other peoples emotions and worries. Too much time spent around those who struggle will only keep you stuck in that same place.image that says " develop skills to face our fears in order to move past them"

By branching out a little at a time you will then notice how much easier it is to grow and become more comfortable talking to everyone.

The fear is what keeps people from going about making a change and it’s the fear that causes the problems in our lives. When we develop skills which counter our fears we learn how to get past them.

As always the sooner you get passed an issue you can get to the next one and take that down as well. Before you know it you have a personality as you have always desired and everything starts becoming your choice as what you will do next.

I will continue to work on how to stop being shy and quiet and update it, that way it will map out more resources to use in the process.

If you have any questions or concerns don’t hesitate to ask, like I have said don’t let fear keep you quiet it’s nothing you can’t overcome.


Let me know what you think of this post. Every comment you share makes it easier for others (including me) to know what you need help on. Leave those comments below or any questions you have.

About Author


How are things going with you? My name is Eric and I am owner and operator of Overcome Life Obstacles. My main goal with this website is to provide answers to anyone who was like me and got lost or stuck in their lives. While you are here I wanted to make sure you check out my click herewhich is where I got my start in affiliate marketing as well as with self-improvement.

4 thoughts on “How To Stop Being Shy And Quiet? Struggling To Find A Voice”

  1. Thank you for saying those kind things. It’s been a struggle over the years to find the courage to actually feel comfortable in putting these kinds of posts out there. One of many positive lessons I have learned is you just need to go for it.

    One of the most powerful reasons to keep doing this is when you find out that everyone has something that makes their lives less than perfect. The more sharing we all can do will open up the possibilities for everyone to find the strength to no longer have to hide who they really are.

    I appreciate you taking the time to respond and hope to see your thoughts on many more posts I do.

  2. I really like that journal idea you and your husband did. That way you can share what you feel ready to share and still have the power to hold off on something your less comfortable with.

    The fact that he understood you early on enough to give you that journal brought a smile to my face. I want to say thank you for sharing that and I appreciate you for leaving me this wonderful comment.

  3. Hey Eric, I’m an introvert married to an extrovert and it can sometimes be hard finding a balance for both of us. Growing up, I struggled with being Shy and it prevented me from having meaningful relationships. I’ve gotten better overtime because of my husband actually.

    While we were dating he gave me a journal, he todl me I could anything there, anything that I wanted to talk to him about but couldn’t. He promised to never read of course 🙂 It’s really helped me process things and even become more confident and I’m writing less on the journal and talking to him more about stuff going on in my head! Thank you for this article Eric

  4. Hi Eric- I really love this post. I love it because you step into a space of vulnerability in the authenticity of sharing your personal story- your fears and challenges. I wouldn’t consider myself to be shy, yet, I have my own challenges and I feel that I can relate to you several times throughout your post, particularly with “avoidant/escapism” tendencies. I look forward to reading more posts from you where you share more about yourself in this way.


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