Living a life full of problems is one thing which never gets old right? We know it’s just one more thing that we should overcome because anxiety and social anxiety really feels like the universe is against us.
This gets much less attention but leads to quite a bit of suffering. How to overcome speaking anxiety is all about how you can find your voice.
Can you repeat yourself? Ahh,(whispering to myself – f*** off) I suppose if you can’t figure out what I was trying to tell you. Not wanting to get too loud because we can’t stand for others who are around to know what we are saying.
Typically I am quiet when I am trying to say this only to you but apparently, you don’t understand this about me, so grrr!
Hopefully, this is something you can relate to and if not, I am unsure why you are reading this.
Overcome Speaking Anxiety In Small Steps
Please don’t make me have to repeat myself, it’s the worst feeling at the moment to have to do so.
I can’t tell you how many times this has happened but I am really so sick of people not reading my lips.
It’s bad enough I don’t want to look you in the eyes, but now you are making me feel more nervous and terrified of the entire room hearing my thoughts.
Thanks, jackass is what I really am thinking when I am told I was too quiet. Sometimes, I am trying to tell you something about the person(over there) that just happened to me.
It’s already uncomfortable for me to be here, then this happened, and now you don’t get that I am wanting to stay quiet. Stop pushing me to talk louder the anxiety is bad enough.
People are gonna stop what they are doing and start looking at me. Probably will laugh and snicker which will make me want to run out of the room and not come back.
What happens when you tell a shy, socially anxious, or terrified person to change their behaviors? Chances are they feel the same way about the experience as I did.
How do I know this? Because these are some of my own personal thoughts when it happens. This is just one example of it coming up.
Imagine you are standing in a room a bit nervous and not knowing anyone that you consider friendly. You muster up just enough strength to try to talk to a few people and it doesn’t go well.
Because in my mind no conversation goes well. Somehow I hope I managed to say hi and my name but don’t ask me to remember anything else since I am probably still in shock.
Identifying reality in the mind of the anxious
Everything can be funny but just don’t laugh until I am nowhere around, please. This only terrifies me to ever try to go through something similar again in the future.
There is no way any extrovert or outgoing person gets this because not only do they keep looking at me, they start to push me. Remember I am in my head this whole time, so everything is multiplied by 10, minimum.
For anyone who has trouble with being in their head too much, there are certainly useful tricks to practice. Even classes about things that will relieve all the back and forth chatter.
The problem is finding the strength to go to those and to do what needs to be done. One such trick as many of you may already know is to picture everyone else wearing nothing. Why?
Because you start to see the humor in something rather than experiencing fear.
For those who haven’t stopped reading, there really is a point for me doing this. And no it’s not to terrify anyone who came here for help.
You see, part of the goal is to spread the word so that people may one day be less annoying and be more compassionate.
Hopefully, this has painted a picture and the rest of what I show you will be useful in overcoming a speaking anxiety that you may have.
What can be done to relieve this speaking anxiety
Recently I came across an article and after reading it I thought to myself that I needed to write a much better version of it. So that is what I have done here.
When you have it in your head that you are a quiet person what do you think is gonna happen every time you try and say something? Of course, you will be quiet because that is exactly what you are trying to do, right?
The way to fix it is to make the necessary adjustments when you talk and to do that we teach ourselves to continue to raise the volume of our speech.
Reasons to change – People can’t understand you, people out talk you, people avoid you, it’s embarrassing to always have to repeat yourself, people will just say yeah or good to know and walk away, and people will feel you aren’t worth there energy.
Over time it leads you to avoid trying to talk, outburst when you repeat yourself, damages self-confidence and leads to self-esteem issues.
Reasons People Speak Quietly
- We see ourselves as shy
- shame or guilt
- no trust in the person
- rather be texting
- need time to think
- lack confidence
- our comments are not important
- nobody listens to us
- don’t have the energy
- Vocal Chord problem
- Respiratory problem
- Naturally low voice
- Not enough practice talking
- Don’t really want to be heard/ashamed
- They aren’t confident in what they are saying
- Can’t help it since it happens due to anxiety and feeling a certain way.
- Don’t want others who aren’t a part of dialogue to hear what is said
- Don’t want to stand out or draw attention to themselves
- Strategy so that people will go away
- Family of quiet talkers
- Learned to be submissive
- Low energy – depressed mindset
Ways to improve a quiet voice
- Doctor – Check if it’s physical
- Speech Therapist – Can assist with vocal issues
- Classes – Can work to improve speaking or things
- Acting lessons – Help you speak louder, the center of attention, and help with thinking.( This one I liked :-))
- Public speaking group – Speaking Courses
- Singing lessons – Learn many ways to control voice.
- Compassion – Feeling and experiencing the suffering of others with a desire to help them.
I hope by showing you the experiences I have had with being quiet will give you the energy to want to work on it yourself. This isn’t a fun change to make but it is an important one since being heard isn’t as bad as it is to live in our heads.
Realize that others don’t understand you
My thoughts when I was done reading a post that had been written by somebody who wasn’t a soft talker.
Confusion, was this really something that had a purpose/goal of helping a soft-spoken person gain confidence in talking to strangers?
I felt it was just somebody ignorant trying to write content for the purpose of writing something and not with a goal to actually solve a problem.
Usually, I just ignore these types of posts but it was ranked rather high on Google and made me really wonder how many people thought it was a good post.
The reason I choose to share with you is that there are some actual tips that may help a few people.
In my experience, if I try to just let it go, it tries to sneak back into my thoughts. Writing down a bit of it will help me move as far away from this as I can.
The really helpful ways to work on a speaking anxiety
Not long after reading that post, I found an article that was suggesting we learn to picture ourselves as compassionate about everyone in the room.
This way even without knowing any of the people we can see that they suffer from things and have experienced just like us about overcoming those problems.
Because of that we already have a shared understanding of what happens in life. To take this a step further, when we learn to be compassionate, we know that it’s more important to be there for others.
This also happens because we have self-compassion and are willing to show ourselves what caring feels like.
By doing it this way our comfort level will increase significantly. When we are focused on the room of people and are not worried about ourselves we can actually start to interact in ways that used to frighten us.
Practice practice and more practice is the advice I found to be most useful. There are different ways to practice speaking but the main takeaways are to give yourself time to make these adjustments.
After that, it’s just a matter of trial and error. Don’t overhype an event or make a big deal out of this practice.
When you start to believe it’s just a part of your everyday capabilities it becomes far less of a worry and more likely to become an ability you build up the same as with any skill.
The absolute critical way to start is to practice self-compassion and take pride in your voice whether it’s low, high or anything in between.
This way you can adjust the volume as needed. And if you find yourself not wanting others to hear what you say, just text it or wait till you’re ready to speak louder in public.
How to overcome speaking anxiety, listen first and be confident that your compassion for others is a strength. After that it’s just a matter of practicing consistently about everything which requires your voice to be heard.
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