What goals do you have and do you know exactly what has to go into creating a new goal? How to make it personal is going to be your strategy so that planning your life for success is possible.
To start, most of the world is planning their goals the wrong way! They believe that they are important but do not understand how to effectively set a goal that will work to better themselves.
It is my goal with this article that you learn the true way to set and keep your goals so that you can make real progress each day.
How To Make It Personal so you know the real reasons
Who wants to spend a lot of time understanding their goals? Most of you are probably already able to think about what you want and decide on the things you don’t want.
This is one of the many difficulties that make goal setting so complicated. It’s not enough to just list the things you want. It’s also not enough to think you know what you don’t want.
The truth is that you must dig deeper so that you understand the reason why it’s something you really want. That means you will have to spend a lot more time in this part of self-discovery than you probably have been taught.
In order to do this, you need to know what your unmet needs are. Those are the things that you didn’t experience any happiness toward as a child.
Despite what other people may say, there is nobody who was completely happy growing up. Even when you believe that you had everything, there will simply be things you have forgotten about because that is a part of your minds defenses.
Unless you become aware of those things, all you will be doing is wasting your time when you are setting up your personal goals now. Maybe you knew this already, maybe you have dug deep and found a few unmet needs and are as happy as you can possibly be?
But if that were the case, then why would you be here reading this post? My guess is that you don’t know how to figure out what was missing from your life back then.
Most likely you don’t fully know what is missing from your life even as you’re reading this post today. So, let me ask a question that you need to answer.
How much of your life have you spent wondering what will make you feel like somebody else’s hero? Or maybe it’s not about being somebody’s hero, maybe it’s more about being a hero to yourself?
That is a true problem to have because it means you don’t love and respect yourself the way you will when you have discovered what your unmet needs are.
Right now, you need to read this post I wrote about the root problems of humans. That will give you a better understanding of the types of issues that are buried inside of you now.
Knowing that you only need to experience one disapointment when you are a child means that you likely have several things to learn. It also suggests that you are good at avoiding the thoughts that come when you think about what it was.
I already let you know that this was about to get personal and that is the main purpose of this post. You must allow yourself to become vulnerable enough so that you can reach that inner child.
Let it know that it’s safe with you now and that it’s the time for you to understand the truth about yourself. When you have done so, you now need to allow your mind to start showing you all the details of your past.
These won’t just come flooding out right then and there, you will need to start letting yourself move away from any stress and worry that is going on with you.
Learning to trust your inner self makes your life much simpler
Other then guessing or trying to make sense of the noise that goes on in your head, what does it entail that you do? This is why you have a journal and it’s why you start asking yourself questions.
You need to hunt for things that start to unleash unreleased feelings for the first time. Write down all the details about your life when you were born up till you were about eight years old.
Do your best to make notes on your feelings anytime you think about another persons name. Starting with the most obvious, which are your partents, go over what you learned from them.
You can even talk to them about what they remember to see if the two memories are the same. But the idea is to get things discovered that may have been painful at that young of an age.
We’re talking about things like
- not spending enough time
- lack of encouragement
- punishments that you received
- any conflicts and how they got resolved if they did get resolved
You will likely feel that it’s a lot of detail to cover because it is, but when you are thorough you will have done yourself a tremendous favor and have a record written down to assist you again later.
A useful tip is to put yourself in the shoes of a child, what kinds of questions would you have asked other people? What kinds of toys, pictures, experiences were you proud of or embarrassed, angry, upset, mad or confused by?
Don’t expect to be successful the first time you attempt to remember, it takes practice to go back that far into your memories and there are many useful things you can do to enhance your ability.
Also, there is no detail that isn’t worth writing down. You don’t know what it may trigger for you at a later date. Expect this to be a process you spend at least a month on, so that you can recall every detail possible.
What are some useful things that will assist you in the recall?
Clearly you will want to spend at least a half an hour or more trying to recall what you remember each attempt. But you can learn to meditate so that you can concentrate on just letting things come to your mind as they happen.
To make it easier there are
- relaxation techniques
- visuals you can look at
- phrases you can repeat
- writing exercizes you can do to make the most out of the mediations.
Early on you will simply want to get used to allowing your thoughts to pass you by so that you observe them and go back to your focal point. I like to use guided meditations now that start you off with a few suggestions and them become background music.
Once you are relaxed you will start to randomly think about things. You can actually influence those thoughts that come to you by having something specific to look for during each meditation.
Perhaps there is a memory that is vague when you were five years old that you want to attempt to see happening. You will try to create as much about that situation as you remember and then sit there allowing it to replay for you.
Don’t get worried if it’s unclear, you will be able to try it as often as you would like so if it’s something you need to see, you will see it in time.
Maybe you have some of the toys, books, pictures, and stories from your childhood that can assist you with the process. Just try to think of as many of those while you are meditating and see what comes to mind.
I should mention that an unmet need is an experience that you went through where something you had wanted to happen was not the way it actually did go.
That is what disapointed you, caused you to feel down, feel angry, feel hurt, feel scared, feel uncertain, and feel anxious. It was something you grew to tolerate because you finally understood that people don’t get everything they wish for.
Thinking that way you now realize is a false belief because you don’t have to settle for something less then you desire now as an adult or teenager.
Let as much of that come out and be sure to reflect on the experiences for as long as they take to understand now.
What to do with those unmet needs once you uncover them?
These are the goals you need to work on to improve the capabilites you posses now.
These are the true reasons
- that you feel undeserving
- that allow you to self-sabotage
- that you use to make excuses about so you can feel self pity
- that let you decide to procrastinate
- that will be harmful to anything you desire achieving now in your life
By identifying as many of them as you can, it’s going to allow you to set a goal now to achieve that so that you can move on to bigger and better things.
Those are the real goals you must accomplish first before any of your other desires will become much simpler to get. Those experiences are the reason you have false beliefs about what you can do.
They remind you of certain times when
- things were too hard
- that you didn’t get accepted
- that cause you to be indecisive
- that make you afraid to be brave
- that will prevent you from trusting a stranger
- that will continue to cause you to suffer for as long as you allow them to remain unchanged
There are also ways to use some of them to motivate you right now in obtaining other resources. When you have feelings that cause you to feel inferior because you believe that somebody is better than you, they may cause a desire for you to prove it’s not true.
That type of fire in your belly can remain until it’s served it’s purpose and you have achieved something better than you had thought possible before.
Is this whole process really worth your time?
I won’t force you to do it or be there to let you know if what you have tried will be enough. That will fall on you and the part that you need to understand is that it’s only for you to benefit yourself.
Nobody else even needs to know what you are working that hard to accomplish. Unless you ask somebody else who was their to assist you, it will give you an opportunity to learn if what you want outta life is really worth it to pursue.
For the most effective way to do this, you will want to consult with a therapist who will likely be glad to assist you. I have worked really hard to go through this on my own and even I will let you know there have been numerous times where a therapist would have been welcomed to assist me.
You can at least give it your best shot to try and then decide if you would like additional assistance later on. The only thing to caution you about besides getting a professional to help you at the start is that you will likely need to learn to be patient with yourself.
Once again, look at meditation and relaxation so that you can take a timeout and get your bearings back before you try it again. You can also learn about self-hypnosis for motivational assistance, but if you decide to get a hypnotherapist, they are expensive and not located in every city.
So it may be rather difficult to find somebody who will help you that way. You can certainly look into using audios so that you can take a few more steps to make the process easier.
Here is a link to an article I wrote on self-hypnosis benefits that you will probably want to go through before deciding if that is something you want to try as well.
How to make it personal is the best way for you to start planning your life for success.