Have you ever wanted to understand why somebody else decides to offer you advice when you don’t ask for it? Or what about the person who insists that you are doing something wrong because they know what is best?
How to handle criticism and gain more confidence is going to show you why you get your feelings hurt. Not just because of what is said to you but what it actually triggers inside of your mind.
Use it for what it’s worth and hopefully it will allow you to resolve some of the problems you have which are preventing you from doing exactly what you want.
How to deal with criticism? – Since it really hurts when it’s about something we already suffer from thinking, this will reinforce our thoughts and can lead to sadness or worse. In order to not allow criticism to hurt, you must correct the belief you have so that it’s not a big deal anymore.
For instance, if you are unsure about your body or your looks, you may freak out when somebody calls you fat and ugly. To fix it teach yourself that you aren’t ugly and prove that you’re not fat.
Obviously, it’s a little more complex than to just admit it hurt you or that there is a reason buried inside of you that allows you to feel that pain.
But in order to get to where that issue is located, you must learn a few other things first.
How to gain more confidence when you are criticised
What are emotional wounds? – These are problems which can be buried deep or called “root problems”. Things such as being badly hurt by somebody very close who you love which occurred as a child and makes you question yourself.
Examples of emotional wounds – Being abandoned, Being physically abused, sexually abused, being told repeatedly that you are worthless, a mistake you made and was punished for, and anything you feel is your fault, makes you feel guilty, ashamed, or makes you question yourself about being a good person.
Sometimes people will start to believe they are evil and it becomes what they try to prove. This happened to me because I felt alone all the time, what other explanation could there be but to feel like you are a bad person who does evil things.
I was also teased a lot about my “monkey ears” they stick out more than most peoples and make it difficult to wear hats. So emotional wounds occur in the past and get triggered whenever you start to believe that you are being rejected because of it.
What happens if you continue to hang onto these wounds? – These will continue to interfere in your life because any kind of rejection will make you think back to something that occurred in the past.
Unfortunately, it’s difficult to gain the hope and motivation required when these are present in your life. To fix it you must go back into the past and understand how that memory wasn’t your fault.
When you can prove to yourself that it’s just something you played a part in because you accept responsibility for everything that happens in your life, it allows you to work on letting go of it.
This will mean that you no longer blame yourself for the feelings you had back than, and you understand that it’s okay to experience rejections because it happens to everyone regardless of past behavior.
Changing your mindset to gain confidence from emotional wounds
Is it any wonder that you will want to avoid being rejected or be on the receiving end of criticism? It wasn’t for me and when this information sunk in it started to make real sense out of what used to be confusion and pain.
To say that it was simple would be a lie but with the work I was able to do in my journal, I eventually understood fully why certain comments or actions from others really hit its mark.
The pain you feel comes from an unmet need you have about being loved, being appreciated or can even just mean you needed to hear that you truly are unique and beautiful.
But this didn’t happen and it was buried inside of you because there was no reason for you to keep it fresh in your mind. Something hurtful that you overheard, or something that you blamed on yourself because why else would it have happened?
When you change from thinking there is somebody to blame for it, to knowing that it was impossible to stop and that you couldn’t have done anything differently because the issue wasn’t within your own power to control.
It will let you see how to let go of it and remove that finger pointing directly at your face saying it was YOU! Instead, that entire issue can go away because you will convince yourself that it was unavoidable and quite simply an event that had to happen to give you more strength in life.
You will then be able to continue looking at your past issues and turn those into ways to empower yourself. This roughly means that each time you do so you will begin to grow in confidence and courage to face even more challenges.
What you need to know about criticism and root problems
How to solve a root problem? – These are the problems that you will trace backward from when you notice something bothering you. They will likely have a cause followed by many other causes and it’s your job to keep going until you find the beginning of the problem.
An example – Let’s say that you are outside walking your dog and somebody comes up to you and tells you that your dog looks like it’s dying. You immediately start to question yourself because it looks fine to you, but the person is insisting that you must be feeding it wrong.
This makes you start to question whether you are dumb or not because you researched how to take care of the dog and are doing everything that is recommended. But there is more because this is the first dog you have gotten since you were a child.
In the past, you had three dogs and they all died because you let them eat chocolate. That memory comes back to you and it’s making you feel terrible once again. However, this isn’t the only memory you have because all animals seem to die suddenly when you are around.
This, in turn, makes you believe that you are killing them on purpose but not remembering doing so. Now because you only see the bad experiences you have with dogs and animals your wound continues to grow bigger.
You suffer a lot more because of them and just a simple comment from a stranger makes you question everything about yourself and your ability to care for the dog. It may even lead you to wonder if you can really take care of yourself.
What you find out is that there are lot’s of memories, which are causes that increase your sensitivity to the next memory and that traces all the way back to one event.
How to cure yourself of root problems?
To cure yourself of this root problem you must be able to follow the breadcrumbs back to the source. Once you are at the source you can undo the belief that is there which will alleviate your distress whenever somebody mentions anything about how you take care of an animal or yourself.
That is how being criticised by one person over one thing will show up in your life now. In order to eliminate any negative feeling that is attached to it, you must go to the source and resolve it there.
What you respond with to the person that triggered this experience isn’t the problem, it’s buried somewhere in your past. The best way to solve as many root problems as you have is to keep a journal and write down anytime you get upset by something another person does or says to you.
There may be some which are triggered with a movie, a song, a book, and anything that was part of your life or will remind you of some part of your past.
This is why it’s important to learn to understand all that you can about yourself. When you can overcome the struggles you have based on root problems, you will be able to handle any kind of criticism that comes your way.
Rejection isn’t a real problem it’s a cause
Rejection isn’t the problem that any of us face!
That is just a cause that will open Pandora’s box and start to reveal where the real pain is hidden. The reason it’s called a Pandora’s box is that you may have a bunch of problems or very few.
But once it’s opened you will feel incredibly hopeless about yourself and it’s an absolute must to resolve this. I want you to understand the severity of these issues because they will turn you against yourself every time.
One very big cause of depression is in the way you go through your life. When you feel like you’re a helpless, worthless person or even an undeserving person it’s very difficult to want to do anything let alone try and work on solving your own problems.
To prove that rejection isn’t the source of your pain take a look at the last time you felt rejected. What did you start to think about as far as your capabilities, did you question whether or not you were any good at something?
You are very likely to seek another person’s view on that cause because you don’t think you are capable of knowing the truth or not. This is what happens with anyone who hasn’t corrected the false beliefs they have about themselves.
Root Problems, False Beliefs, Irrational Thoughts
All three things have one thing in common, care to take a guess at what that is? It’s you but it’s also the level of doubt, worry, and fear that you associate with not knowing what the truth is.
Take a moment to think about what that really is telling you, because it’s a key point. It’s really telling you that you lack the confidence and the courage to fully believe in yourself no matter what.
This is essential for you to possess because you need one thing in your life that will be your Golden Rule! That is to believe in yourself no matter what happens or what anyone else thinks or does.
You cannot question yourself about anything because when you don’t know something you go out and learn it. That is your only purpose on earth to pursue information that helps you become the absolutely brilliant person you are meant to be.
That means there are no other judges except for yourself but you only possess the power to judge yourself and not anything else. The only way you are to judge yourself is based on the progress you are making, that means you assess whether you are giving it all your best or not.
Then by asking that question you know what to do, which is to either continue working the way that you are or to change things so that you start giving it your best with everything that you do!
You learn to do that by correcting your thoughts, your beliefs, and your behaviors which also means solving your own problems and understanding why they became problems.
Courage is the part of you that knows something is going to be difficult or uncomfortable but doing it anyway because it’s going to be worth it when you accomplish the result that you’re after.
This develops the strength in you to handle criticism
Now that you know how important it is to listen to what another person says, you also understand that it’s not for them to judge you. The incorrect response to somebody who doesn’t mind their own business is to tell them exactly why they are wrong.
You don’t know anything idiot, go and take care of your own business before I cut you into little pieces and feed you to my dog because it was the last person he ate that made him look sick.
When you learn to identify something about that person’s personality, you can use that to trigger one of their emotional wounds.
Of course, it’s up to you because you are the judge of yourself and your core values and beliefs will allow you to know exactly how to handle people with time.
For any questions or comments please write them below and hopefully you now know how to handle criticism and gain more confidence!