Confidence is a skill which everyone should focus on learning. It will lead to more positive self-growth and help you to remove your negative thoughts.
For someone who is shy (or anyone who fears failure), the best trick is to start taking control of a situation. To do this you need to confront things which make you uncomfortable.
How to be confident in yourself with 5 achievable steps, is the perfect area to start with. Included with this is learning how to tolerate social settings (more info found here).
In order to find the necessary resources and help, your abilities must be assessed.
Start by doing these steps immediately, because there is no help when you ignore them.
How To Be Confident In Yourself – Step one
Start by taking an inventory of yourself.
What are you weakest at and what you are strongest at?
When you do this, you can create ways for weaknesses to become strengths.
This will also help to slow down and eliminate the noise that is going on inside your head.
Before you start to second guess yourself you will want to learn that nothing else matters except for the positive voice you will be creating.
It’s a bad habit to try and guess what other people are thinking about.
Because chances are high that they aren’t obsessed about you or your every word.
Most people will be doing the very same thing you are doing, which is why this has to stop so you can focus on the important parts of the conversation!
So, why on Earth do you do it about them? Is it because you are suffering from a belief that you are the center of the universe?
Think about this and you will be much happier.
Everyone needs to remember that each of us is too obsessed about ourselves. This leads to many bad habits because we try to please people who aren’t us.
All the while this is going on, the person standing in front of you is likely focusing on what you think about them.
This means they are trying not to say the wrong things to you or they are just listening for you to share something important about yourself.
The truth is actually that nobody knows what somebody else is thinking so it’s absolutely pointless to care.
When you stop worrying, you will be capable of being friendly which is all that you need to show.
One last time, people think to themselves about what they are saying rather than trying to dissect and throw back at you anything you say.
The exact same thing goes on about what you wear, how you stand, how you walk and any other tiny unimportant thought you may obsessively worry about people having.
I want you to know that this isn’t hard and it’s why it’s one of the easiest steps to take. This will carry on into other steps but the real message I want you to take away is that nothing anyone thinks about you is ever that terrible.
They are just one outta seven billion people, which means they have no power over you.
Here is another thing you must keep in mind so you will be the person who is in control of the situation.
You learn that children can be mean at times but their intent isn’t generally to humiliate you. This is something you are self-taught which is harming you.
When you allow it to continue it will grow into something really painful.
Your siblings can often lead to this as well, especially if you are not the oldest child. It took me a long time to realize that since I was the 3rd child, I most likely letting peoples antics stick with me for far too long.
By holding onto it, I made generalizations about every other person I would ever encounter. So by taking control of your inner voice, you will be able to live in the present moment and become more aware of what is really going on.
The Truth Is, That I Am Fully Responsible For Each Of The Bad Habits Named Above! That means it’s nobody else’s job to make sure I am feeling good.
Step Two – Interactions Are Supposed To Be Exciting!
When you meet new people or when you see somebody that you know, you should try to think about their favorite topics.
It’s a courtesy to them and a way to respect others because when you recall previous conversations, you can show them they are special.
Why then does it matter? Because making friends and keeping friends will allow you to care about yourself even more.
Those are the little things you learn about each other that teaches you how to notice those about yourself.
It’s very helpful in learning what you value versus what others value.
By the way, this is how you evaluate the people who will support you rather than try to change you.
Because it’s either a win-win or a lose-lose for every single person in your friend’s list.
Gaining support from others will assist you in ways you will be learning all about as you continue with this site.
For this step to work, you are gonna try to keep up with trends or something that you know interests other people.
There is always another way to handle every situation that you can get yourself into. For the shy person, you have to learn each step and practice them consistently to make sure you are prepared to meet other people.
Here are two questions I want you to reflect on:
When have you looked forward to actually talking to people?
What was something you had in common with them?
That is all small talk really consists of anyways, it’s having enough general knowledge so that when the need arises you are prepared to ask another person what they are interested in.
Some other areas that people like to talk about include their career, their family, and their goals. By knowing all of this you will start to gain confidence because you are prepared.
The worst case scenario is somebody gets to know your favorite hobby. You will be amazed at what having shared interests can do for your confidence level.
As we continue on, you will be learning how important it is to have things in common. Success will depend on having other people helping out in all kinds of ways where you won’t have the specialized knowledge that they have.
Step three is about remembering names
It’s pointless to small talk with somebody if you can’t remember their name.
People will joke around with each other about it but it can offend many if you’re incapable of doing so.
One great way to remember a name is to think about it over and over, this way you will connect the face with the name.
A trick my grandfather used was to quickly write down a name and a description right after talking to somebody new.
People would even see him do that and it would make them smile to know he was trying hard to remember.
If that doesn’t leave a lasting impression on them and give a little boost what does?
I realize that names are usually common and even with a list you may have a hard time. Especially if you are going to a big event where you don’t know anyone. The thing to realize here is that it’s the same for everyone else.
Unless you are the one hosting the get together it is very hard to already know who is who. This creates the perfect test for you in figuring out how far you’ve come.
As long as you are making progress and making a genuine effort to be amongst people, you are building up confidence that you can reflect on.
When you start doing it, it is essential that you capture as much about the individual as you can to store it in your mind.
There is a two-part method where you say their name, along with an emotional reason that it makes you feel happy, mellow, calm, or anything else which allows it to stand out.
These are known as mental snapshots, which place each person, each event, and a reason you can remember them in your mind.
That way you recall the event, see the people you met and identify one solid thing that stood out.
Step Four – Look for situations which Terrify you
This will be very important because many of you feel like everything is a nightmare. You dwell on it days before it will take place, losing sleep, overeating, drinking or any other coping method you know.
When you take this amount of precaution, you are bound to build up your anxiety levels.
It’s like doing a mental exercise backward because if you changed the dread you have into excitement, you will stop feeling so overwhelmed.
The truth about panic and anxiety is that it’s all in your mind. You overthink things before an event, before a conversation, before you need to do anything important.
That just makes you lose control over your thoughts which is certain to backfire on you during all of those things.
Instead, practice visualizing the most exciting outcomes, perhaps you will also need to work hard on figuring out what those things are.
This is where a success mindset will help you the most. But until you can do that for yourself, things are going to continue going badly.
Which, is going to trigger your panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and cause you to feel embarrassed for no reason.
What should you do if it’s too late to practice those techniques?
Let’s look at what happens, you get face to face with somebody who starts talking to you. One question comes up that you aren’t able to answer.
Instead of trying to struggle through it, you start to feel like you will throw up.
That will no doubt leave a scar on you but if you are taking small steps then you know to quickly remove yourself and try again later.
You may want to apologize but before you do, remember to stay in control. Repeat the reasons you have for taking these risks.
That way you will at least be able to test if you have been making some progress.
You won’t need to lie about things, just be honest because people will know something wrong just by your body language.
The important part is you don’t let fear stop you from making progress. Never assume how somebody else is going to react.
Probably the most likely thing will be them thinking about you being okay. And that is exactly how you must approach them the next chance you get.
By the time you have gone through the absolute most terrifying things, you will have begun to change the way your mind obsesses and can then counter any negatives that will pop into your head.
Step 5 – Taking Pride in your achievements
In this step I want everyone to make sure you truly reflect on what you have accomplished. Like any good methods, you may decide to try, you must always keep yourself pumped up about these achievements.
There really is no better way to understand what you have been able to do until you write things down. By doing so you will have something that you can go over anytime you need to lift yourself up again.
Quite possibly the best thing I have ever started was this blog. Even if I don’t write things out journal style, I build up more confidence every single time I publish something.
Before I started I was afraid to put my first name on anything which would go public.
I was concerned that when I would relate to something with a personal story it would be taken as ammunition and used against me.
While this still may be true it’s something that gets less and less terrifying every day.
I just write freely which opens up my mind to continue to learn about interesting things and talk to interesting people.
Let’s look at what we have learned
How to be confident in yourself is about steps you can work on daily.
They start off as silly or scary at first. But over time you get comfortable doing them.
By allowing yourself to open up more and talk, you gain confidence which you use to control your thoughts. Doing this will change all those negative voices into positive ones you control.
Because confidence is something that other people love seeing, you are truly building up to becoming something much greater then you have ever been before.
If you are able to keep going, you will learn more skills that will change your life and allow the world to open up around you.
In order to realize your truest potential, you will want to fully understand yourself, and what it is that you desire the most.
That may be gained by adding more confidence but it’s likely you will want to take the next step. How to be confident in yourself will be a great post to come back to, so, your next move is to learn about success by going here.