I wanted to create something unlike anything I have done so far, the point of this will be to bring attention to the fact that everyone has different desires. There is no one set of rules that matter the same to you as they do to me.
Fulfillment means living by your own rules which leads to a lengthy process of self-discovery. But it’s not as difficult as you may have been taught to find happiness.
Once I can show you how I hope that you will be encouraged to do the same for yourself.
The plan is to show you about each individual area of life that needs attention and when you have guidelines to follow you will be able to make a quick reference.
First I wanted to identify what needs everyone has that are similar, you already know about the food, water, shelter ones but what else is there that may not be as well known?
One other thing is to tell you what really makes a person worthy. That is the ability to believe that you as a person are truly valuable no matter what anyone else ever says or does!
Here is a list of everyone’s needs which will help you find fulfillment:
- Acceptance – This includes self-acceptance because you already know you’re wonderful and things will only get better as you learn. When you admit to yourself that you desire something more, you will understand the truth. Acceptance by definition means that you believe that everything about you is fine the way it is (your childhood happened and you realize you need to learn from it, and not let it hold you back any longer). Knowing the differences between what’s possible and impossible will ultimately lead you to a better understanding of who you can become.
- Attention – No matter who you are there is something you need when it comes to the attention you get. This can be overlooked in many cases because people get confused by thinking it will make them become the center of attention. What it really is about is the appreciation you require from yourself and others. Nobody wants to be overlooked or to feel like their effort is not important.
- Bad habit removal – This requires you to look at each one with a microscope so that you can see why you are doing it. When you can replace each bad habit with a good one, you will notice that you are starting to develop more confidence and pride about yourself. Continue to strengthen these two good feelings and you are on your way closer to fulfillment.
- Destination – People need to create hope that they will reach their goals, otherwise you will start to become full of negative emotions. Happiness is only possible when you are moving in the direction that shows your subconscious mind that it’s getting closer. Excitement, joy, happiness, and motivation are your reward for taking actions that do this very thing.
- Eliminate Quick Fixes – When you try to deceive your mind things only continue to spiral down. The more effort you spend to look for a quick fix will be added to the amount of time you will be suffering. i.e medications are something that builds on your false beliefs because you are told that the reason you suffer is that something is wrong. Instead of the truth which is in your belief about yourself. To learn more, understand how placebo pills work. (Always discuss your medications with a qualified professional and find out why or why not you should be taking it. Don’t assume that everything can be solved by a pill or that just because one doctor tells you it’s going to help you that it’s actually true). Do your own research before you put anything into your body, this way you don’t falsely believe you are doing something that’s in your best interest.
- List all of your problems – One by one find the areas of your life that don’t make you happy. You will know because it’s obvious when you think about it. Yes, some people may have giant lists because it’s possible to be unhappy with all aspects of your life. This means that you need to start removing those problems to give yourself hope for happiness.
- Plan to solve your own problems – When you learn that emotions are indicating that you are not happy you can ask yourself why? Finding each area of your life that causes you to feel sad, angry, frustrated, depressed and so forth will give you a direction to move in. Solve each of your problems to find that you are feeling happier. I mention that building hope will bring more happiness, this is because your mind sees that you really want something to happen. The more you work to solve your own problems the easier it becomes for your subconscious mind to work with you on that goal. This will lead to happier feelings and comes when you list your goals and take actions to move forward.
- Replication of events – When you grow up there will be certain things you like and dislike about your childhood. This is completely different for everyone including siblings. When you become aware of these things, you will realize you can start to make your mind happy by eliminating or adding things to your life now.
- Understand your need for love – As you have grown up there may be some things that didn’t go the way for you that you needed them to go. For instance, your family adding new siblings once you were born. Or you didn’t get attention when you did anything good. Confidence and self-esteem issues can prevent you from feeling loved now and it really should be the first area you look at.
What else to learn about your childhood?
Now you will start to see things hopefully in a new light. Each memory that you have which is easy to recall will tell you something that happened good or bad about your childhood.
That part I am sure you knew, but what you didn’t know is that you will continue to have unmet needs because these images may not actually be true.
One thing that I found as I started to look through my past was that there are lots of questionable memories. This is due to fantasizing about what my life wasn’t or what I saw reflected in other people that I didn’t have.
That simply means I created these memories because I wanted life to be a certain way and that I remember it as having them only because it was a desire to gain that.
The importance is that now when I still don’t have those things my mind is trying to get me to go after them. It’s kinda easy when you figure out what each memory actually means.
It’s even easier when you can look back and start to come up with two lists. One that you actually had and don’t need now and the other is the things that you didn’t have that you really wanted and that you need to resolve as an adult.
Here are some key areas that you can look at to get started for yourself:
- Authority figures – Who were your parents, what did they do, how did they enforce the rules, how did you feel about them, what about other adults, who was head of household, who enforced punishments, who attended your school events, was their abuse of any kind, and are they still alive?
- Childhood friends – Who did you know, what things did you do, whose houses did you go to, when did you see them, how often did you see them, any activities together, how did you celebrate birthdays, what about gifts, and did you grow close or distant from them?
- Family dynamic – Who was there, how often, grandparents around, cousins, aunts, uncles, any other relatives, vacations, holidays, traditions, anything that was just your family?
- Financial security – What did your parents do for money, did you get everything you wanted, did you get spoiled, did you get disappointed, did you have meals together, did your family struggle to get food, did your family get assistance, did you attend church, were you part of the community, did you live in a rural area, was there anything you really wanted and was told you would never get, and was there anyone that went to jail, treatment, went away, died?
- Geography – Did your family live in a good or bad neighborhood, big city, small city, rural area, did you have a car, ride the bus, walk, ride a bike, have trouble getting rides, did your family move, did you live in another country, was anyone adopted, did you have any friends that lived close by, did you have any bad neighbors, neighbors that terrified you, was there any place you weren’t allowed, any experiences with wild animals, any bullies where you lived?
- Health issues – Did you have any illnesses, get sick a lot, get hurt a lot, hurt anyone, kill anyone, what about dentist, vision, learning, were there any addictions, drugs around, did you drink any poisons, taught any fears, anger issues, what happened when you would be sick?
- Household – Did you have both parents, siblings, pets, furniture, food, toys, backyard, did you fear the basement, parents room, kitchen, bathroom, living room, attic, did you break anything important, any fires, emergencies, tragedies, break-ins, flooding, did you lose anything, did you have your own room, lived in a small bedroom, what rules did you have, what chores, what rewards or punishments, did you get more punishments then you thought was fair?
- Pain – You learn things immediately when there is either pain or pleasure involved and this is a great way to retrain your mind to work for you. What kinds of pains do you remember experiencing as a child?
- Pleasure – Just like above what kind of pleasure did you find as a child that will continue to help you as an adult?
- Nightmares – When you were a child there are bound to be many dreams that you experienced. Try to remember as many of them as you can because both the good and the bad will help you visualize what went on. Make a list of them if you are able to and really take the time to try and find the meaning behind them. Don’t just do it for your past but also make this a practice you start as an adult.
- Responsibility – Depending on what the birth order of your family was this may or may not apply to you. The oldest child most likely develops more responsibilities than any of the other children.
- School – Most kids will start going to preschool somewhere between 4 and 5 but not everybody. So think about the first couple of years that you went to school between the ages of 4 to 7. What was it like, how many kids, how many teachers, did you want to go or not, do you have any positive or negative experiences, and how well did you adjust to the changes?
- Teachers – The same thing as above, but what do you remember about your earliest teachers in preschool, kindergarten, first and second grades? What about the environment did you like, what did you dislike, any problems, bullies, did you have friends, playmates, what about the principal, what about other parents.
Hopefully, you will be able to jog your memory and find a few of those useful. Don’t worry if you don’t come up with anything right away, the subconscious mind doesn’t always respond quickly to what the conscious mind wants to know about.
What you need to know about people
One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in your life is about the perception you have of other people. This means that because you alone see people in a unique way from everyone else,(your beliefs directly influence the way you interpret somebody else. i.e you may see the flaws in others that you also see in yourself.) how does this affect what else happens in your life?
To help you start to figure things out and get to a point where you can look at the past to make the most use of it, I want to give you certain information. Keep in mind that this is only the stuff I have learned which I think is most important.
Feel free to add your own as long as you have done the research to prove to yourself that it’s the truth and not a false belief.
Here is a list of FYI information for you to start including in your life:
- Everyone needs their opinions to survive because they seek approval from others to validate their own self-worth
- People fear things about others that they see in themselves and it’s also why people tease, bully, and try to act tough.
- People are afraid to make mistakes and to look like they don’t know things.
- People base their identity on the opinions they have about what is right or wrong and don’t look at the facts.
- Nobody knows the difference between themselves and another person. All they can do is make judgments or predictions.
- Most people fail to see their surroundings until they are specifically looking for something.
- Everyone uses their imaginations more then they realize to remember the details. It’s why witnesses see different things even though they are all looking at it at the same time.
- People only remember the big moments of life because of the emotions they are experiencing.
- Visualizing things is the same as actually doing them when the subconscious mind saves the information. You can practice doing something even when you can’t afford to actually do it.
- Your life purpose is already inside of you, and in order to find it, you must first understand your unmet needs. (childhood)
When you want to know the truth about something
You have to develop a full understanding of your beliefs because as long as you have false or limiting beliefs you will only find more of the same. The perception that you have is biased because you believe the things that you do.
Instead of looking for the evidence from your own perspective, you must learn how to see things from somebody else’s point of view. Once you have practiced doing this you will continue to find out new information that can be very helpful in getting you closer to the truth.
It all comes down to the amount of information you already know, the number of things you are willing to learn and how much of a desire that you develop to understand the world that you live in.
Before you see the truth you must know what your own reality does to your views, and to get close to knowing that, you will want to write down as much as you can so that you can ask deeper questions along the way.
To actually figure out what will make you happier in your life you will need to see the truth and fulfill your true needs. In order to do this effectively, you will need to learn what emotions you feel each day and how often you feel the way that you do.
When you have done this for a few weeks or months you will be able to understand how your mind is communicating with you. Combine what you learn about the world with what your mind is communicating to you and that will let you develop a plan to make things come true.
Because all of this will be ongoing your ability to gain happiness and fulfillment depends entirely on the work that you do, on your confidence to understand things, and your ability to utilize your motivation to continue to move you in that direction.
The only way to prove that you are right is to do the experiments yourself. This will give you the process that helps you understand and verify everything you believe.
Practice doing it with everything and you will eventually fail enough times that you will be forced to succeed.
From there you will continue to satisfy your needs
A word of caution before you get started. There will be a lot of different dead ends that you will encounter, this isn’t the same as a paint by the numbers.
Because each of you is different there will be a lot of trial and error before you find the right clue you need to expand on. Go into this with the right kind of mindset and make sure you understand what having patience means.
Here is a quick reference you can use to develop patience:
- Enduring irritations – Practice doing everything that triggers your defenses so that you will be able to build up your levels of tolerance. These include things like getting stuck out in the rain, being behind a slower driver then the speed you normally go, burning your dinner so that you have something that tastes bad, taking cold showers if you are used to hot ones, go somewhere with big lines just to wait for it to move.
- Become detailed in planning things – In order for you to keep from going insane, you will want to know that it’s worth putting yourself through all the trouble. Write down the long-term objective and take the time to break it down into as many doable activities as you can. This will give you short-term and medium-term goals to reach that way you will be able to show your subconscious mind proof that you’re making progress.
- Develop the belief you will win in the end – Having a strong belief that everything you are doing now is going to pay off big time, in the end, will be absolutely critical here. Instead of doing something without any faith it’s important that you find the power inside of yourself to believe you will get what you want no matter how many times it takes you. No matter who says you won’t get there. And it’s worth your life to endure this process because you will do it even if it kills you.
- Realize that the first few times are the toughest – You need to convince yourself that no matter how bad this feels now, that when you get over the first few tries that it’s going to become easier the more you practice. This will help you prevent yourself from making your problems any worse then they are when you started. Giving up on something is telling your subconscious mind that you are worthless and it will stop trying to help you.
- Remember that everything you do now is making you stronger – It’s only for a limited time that you need to feel this way because you are learning exactly how to communicate with yourself. This is truly a huge milestone that you will be able to look back on forever and realize that you have just done something that 99 percent of people won’t be able to do. That means that not only are you the best, but you also have the scars that prove it and your subconscious mind will reward you immensely for doing so. This is the true way to gain strength and to develop courage about doing anything else that you ever had any doubts about before.
Come back next time to see what else I have in store for you to learn. Fulfillment isn’t something you gain by doing one thing once, it’s a process that means you will convince yourself that everything you have ever wanted is possible.
That you no longer doubt yourself and that you understand that you alone are a successful person without any other reason to need to compare yourself to anyone again.
Fulfillment means living by your own rules and now you know how to find them. Let me know what you think or if anything is unclear and start your climb to the top of the world.