Who among us doesn’t have times that feel hopeless, that are difficult, and that needs a major change to occur?
When these feelings are present you know that its likely from a negative mindset.
Five ways to stop and overcome self-pity is the solution to changing that negative mindset.
The most troublesome feeling that you can have is about self-pity and the way you view the circumstances and situations in your life.
The opposite of pity is gratitude, being thankful rather than being disappointed.
You need a reason to desire one over the other and that reason is one hundred percent up to you to figure out.
Where I come in here is to help you figure out where you can make that change or changes that will get your mind focused in the right places.
Instead of viewing your past and feeling that life owes you because of something, you want to learn that you are the one responsible for overcoming each and every problem or challenge.
When this becomes your focus, the helpless, hopeless feelings start to get smaller and smaller as you start to make a plan to gain what you’re after.
Because it’s about making a plan, you will first want to understand where you are at and how much its gonna take to get to where you want to be.
Here are the five ways where change is needed to get over self-pity
- Nonacceptance of situations or circumstances
- Obsessing over problems and challenges
- Being down on yourself and focused on bad thoughts
- Poor me syndrome – I am helpless, people are bad.
- Wanting others to agree with your poor me syndrome.
Self-pity is the worst possible choice you have
It’s not something you think that anyone who is sane is going to choose but it happens more often than not.
The easiest trap to fall into is to accept that you’re the problems you have experienced.
The mindset is you believe nothing good will come because you don’t deserve it, somehow you screwed up and now its just misery, loneliness, and pain.
Ask anyone you know about problems and they are going to tell you several stories. They will be able to put themselves down just like you and create a victim mentality if they wanted to.
Knowing that people from all walks of life have adversity, how can you convince yourself that somehow you have it the worst?
Each day you can turn on the news and hear about people dying, but still, you feel bad about yourself.
I have written many posts on this website, but still, you haven’t found one thing that proves you are more than capable of being depressed? Look at things the way you feel you deserve them and see where you could put in the effort to learn.
My own drinking gave me a ton of choices to make, but I didn’t make the ones that brought happiness. Do you understand what it means to give up, or to wish you were dead?
I do, I was there and tried to kill myself. Prior to that, I wished to not wake up and started mixing pills and different combinations of drinks just to see if I would get lucky.
When I woke up each morning, worse off than before I wondered how much longer it would be before it worked. Maybe I haven’t told you enough about my own struggles?
Do you know what skills I had before I started really trying to make a change? I had only worked in fast food, a mail-room during college(where I dropped out) and 90 days at Wells Fargo as a collector.
Nothing to go off of and yet I still found a desire to start learning. It wasn’t easy to change my mindset, but you know what was?
Realizing that once I made a plan, made it super simple and easy to follow, that despite my lack of skills I could start to get better at everything I needed to learn.
I had to become tired of my circumstances in life and decide I needed to make my situation better. But I didn’t just wake up and know what to do.
I had to start learning why I felt so terrible, and why I should actually care about myself. You will want to start asking the questions that matter.
Here is something you can ask yourself right now that will matter.
What can I start learning today, that will make me capable of earning more money? What can I start working on today that will increase my abilities to do something to make a difference in my life?
My thought process began simply by looking for a way to make money from home. And what I found was a few things which didn’t sound that great.
I began using a site for a small change and kept looking for a better option. What I ended up finding was a training program that allowed me to learn how to create a website.
Not just a blog because those I found out had restrictions which blocked a lot of the revenue I would earn. So when I came to the place I am now a member of it all just fit.
Still, it wasn’t that simple, because knowing nothing about websites, writing, or really working for myself seemed scary. It was and it took me a while to talk myself into taking things one lesson at a time.
When my writing got to a point that I felt confident I could at least write 5k word posts, I knew I was getting better at something which used to terrify me.
Posting my own thoughts online for others to not only read but to comment on. Just about made me turn right around and leave.
After all, I wanted something that didn’t need to involve thinking, I was looking for something repetitive that I could do which didn’t take any effort and that paid well.
As funny as it sounds that is exactly why people get scammed online. They look for simple and mindless work that pays well. That doesn’t exist and when I started learning the truth, I figured it out by making mistakes.
Money didn’t just come and find me, which was very disappointing. From that awesome lesson came what I needed, a change in my mindset.
I didn’t quit which was important but I didn’t just start over either. I got the idea to figure out what I was capable of doing, that way I would hopefully not get sick of it and wish it would just be over.
Instead of letting self-pity consume me like I usually did, I tried again on a second site. The things worked better but still not at the level I wanted.
A little at a time is what it takes to get to feel less panicky and more comfortable.
Rather than obsessing about my problems and staring up at all these challenges I had to overcome, I built up a plan to attack them each just like I would build a staircase.
Each positive action I take moves me up, and each thing I learn moves me forward. Do it like I did build yourself up by making steps you can do one direction at a time.
Bad thoughts come, self-pity won’t just stop
Learning is the how, doing is the what, wanting something more than I have ever wanted something is the why. The where and when is covered by the training and the practice.
The who is you or I and it’s also the people that will benefit from the work I put in to change myself each day. There are always going to be more things that get added to the equation because life doesn’t stop to let you catch up.
When you start to face the self-doubts or the bad thoughts which make you feel you can’t. Remember there is already proof about where you have done things to overcome adversities before.
You just have to figure out that your mind is the storage of everything and there are ways to optimize it to benefit you. That’s also where I can help you because I have and I am currently doing everything I write about.
We are also going to want to learn and realize that self-pity, bad thoughts, and self-doubts are a part of this struggle. The way to get ahead of them is to know exactly what they look like, this is where having a journal will become a priority.
The best thing you can do is to create a gratitude journal that you consistently make part of your routine. Morning, noon, and night are the best times but you can also write yourself notes throughout the day.
It’s easy when you pay attention to your thoughts, some are going to be good and some will be bad. Writing down the bad ones isn’t ideal, but re-writing them as a way you’re grateful helps slap some sense into your mind.
An example is thinking I will never be good enough to make money writing. Instead of getting to the because and blaming something for your lack of writing skill, it’s important that you interrupt and write down I am grateful I can write.
I told you its simple, by realizing that not everyone is lucky to have learned to write is a great turn around from complaining. By doing it for a while you will have a list of things you can make affirmations from.
Record yourself saying what you’re grateful for and when its done see what else you can add to your list. Every day, you practice being grateful, you loosen the pain which was caused by wanting to complain about the things you don’t have.
Poor Me Syndrome – Self Pity 101
There is a joke in alcoholics anonymous about it being poor me, poor me, pour me another drink because I need to drown myself in self-pity since my life is so much worse than I want it to be.
The theory being that if you can laugh at yourself and what happened in the past, you will be able to quickly get beyond it. Does it work?
Once you have learned the necessary lessons, it’s humorous. When you are first starting out and trying to distance yourself from all the former problems it’s more irritating to hear.
The point I wanted to make here is that you can create ways to put distance from the crap that used to make you feel down-and-out. It’s a reminder that today is another day which I have to be thankful about because I am making the right choices.
There are other ways to do that same thing, but be aware that you have an ability already to decide whether your life has enough humor in it. You don’t have to be serious and believe that you’re stuck.
When you feel empty, alone, and beside yourself, there is only one direction that will make you feel better. And its up and out of that stuff.
Another way of saying this is that you need to have a way to quickly pick yourself up off the floor and get a little joy. I recommend a playlist on YouTube or anywhere you can find humor.
Wanting company in your misery and suffering
Deciding to feel like crap is something you can choose to do, but beware that other people will not want to be in your pile of it. Just because you have the option to call up your friends and complain to them, doesn’t mean its the right thing to do.
We don’t want to hear all your whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, and reasons that the world owes you so much just because you think its bad.
What you need is to understand that it’s not ever that bad. It’s just you wishing to stay that way and bring people to your level which is despicable to try to behave like that.
Do you know why? It’s because other people who aren’t complaining are busy taking the steps to keep it from happening to them. You will lose all help and be even more miserable and alone than ever.
You need to learn to accept the bad about your life, that way you can appreciate anything good that comes from it. The more you change, the more beneficial and pleasant life will become.
When you get to that point, here is a list you can use to get out of it.
- Journals – Gratitude is one great activity to practice. You can also track the positives that help change your mindset. I went back through all my past feelings and started creating a positive version of each thing.
- Get organized – There is nothing worse than a mess to demotivate things. But the mindset of not keeping up with the areas you use often shows you aren’t serious about changes. Hoarding things because you think its important is a clue that your mind isn’t working the way it needs to be working. To fully benefit take some pride in the stuff you already have and use it to reinforce your desire to make the effort to change.
- Set aside a block of time each day or night for laughter. When you are able to smile more often the chemicals in your mind will help unblock it. Want more focus and creativity? Then put a priority on fun sometime in your day.
- Be creative – You can make videos that have your favorite movie scenes, make a playlist of your favorite parts of songs, follow somebody on social media who builds things and try your luck and doing the same things.
- Get up and walk around more, nature has many wonderful benefits and you can even include this into your creativity. Go outside for 15 minutes and take a journal with you. Write about what inspires you or even take notes while being mindful and using your senses.
- Find somebody in your area or volunteer an hour a week to just think about the needs of somebody besides yourself.
- Compassion takes so little away from us and allows an extra chance to stop being so preoccupied with a state of “I deserve”.
- Get a pet or a plant to take on some extra responsibilities, when you get past the point of thinking you have all the weight of the world on your shoulders. You will understand that caring about something besides yourself, is super easy and allows you to get away from your minds crap.
- Meditate 5 minutes to clear your mind and breath which will help to relax you and can increase your energy. Use that to focus on learning more about yourself and what you want to accomplish. Then meditate more and see yourself happy getting the same things you desire.
- Teach – Become somebody with a purpose and a passion. Then once you can do it better than most other people, you will be able to start to share that with others who want to learn it.
- Affirmation video or mp3 – When you have a list of things you know about yourself that used to be something you struggled with, make it a permanent part of your routine and play it often to see how far you have come.
- Exercise – Make a game out of your chores and see how quickly you can clean something up or get something organized. Once you have it make a plan to keep it that way. If you get on the plan to take care of the areas you live in take it up a notch and maintain your body as well.
- Bucket list or things you wanna do instead of complaining. Use the new-found motivation in your life to do things you didn’t think possible, or to do the things you used to believe were owed to you. Along with that keep an ongoing list of interesting things to learn and do as hobbies.
- Make a statement about your day – One of the best tricks you can use is to set the mood for your day. Tell yourself “Today is gonna be a great day”. Do that same thing before you start anything, I am gonna create this awesome post! Once you do it you can see that things are positives instead of negative.
A few ways to prevent self-pity
When you’re ready there are couple choices you can make, one is to realize you aren’t a victim and that you have the sole responsibility to behave in a way that shows it.
Unfortunately, it also means that you won’t be looking for excuses anymore because you will understand that people who can take care of themselves don’t need to rely on excuses.
You will want to change a few things in your life to prove it, which means getting rid of certain memento’s, pictures, videos, stacks of old magazines or other possessions that will trigger your bad thoughts.
It’s possible to replace them with things that serve your purpose but just in case eliminating or replacing them isn’t doing the trick than its time to learn that you can accept it and release its hold on you.
There is a technique just for releasing and letting go of the junk in your life that no longer benefits you. Rather than go over it here I will make an entire post about that later on.
Also, you can add commitments that will make you immediately see the positives instead of the negatives. YouTube is full of meditations, how to’s, creative inspirational videos and much more that will make it super easy to do.
Remember that one hundred percent of people that are happy have had to take the action themselves to figure everything out. This means you will not gain if you don’t get started right now.
There you have it five ways to stop and overcome self-pity, for more tips and techniques be willing to take on different challenges. I will introduce some of those to you in the next post as well as the releasing technique and more.