How to find out what you really want in life starts with a question.
What are you afraid of?
In Order To Start – You Will Benefit The Most By Overcoming Your Fears…
Ask Yourself: What’s more important in your life than having all your needs satisfied? Think about what you avoid doing because you haven’t understood how to do it yet.
The area that comes up most often is having to be the first one to try something. That means you will most likely avoid going up in a public area and being the first person to ask a question.
This is due to your fear of the unknown. That is an idea you have which states that because nobody wants to do something, there must be a reason to believe that it’s dangerous.
Once you begin to imagine some form of perceived danger, you will simply talk yourself out of accepting any new challenges. This means that you must be able to talk to yourself in a way that identifies exciting and scary things.
This is the easiest way to overcome your fears because you can gather information. From your research, you can actually convince yourself that something is completely irrational to avoid because the benefits outweigh the risks.
Or the consequences because you understand that each action you can perform is done for a reason. Those reasons are the ideas that you know will be a way to be the one in control.
Hopefully, you will start to see how things are connected because a need is something that will keep your life moving in a healthy, satisfying, and fulfilling way.
For instance, I wake up each morning and have a need to drink water. This helps me to replenish all that gets lost during the night from a deep sleep.
What happens when I know this but forget to drink enough water? My body and mind will not be able to perform at there highest levels.
The same thing goes for nutrients because each of the different ones is beneficial for one or more processes that our bodies and minds require to function.
Maybe you have fasted for a week or just a few days. When you do this you start to experience weakness or can see things that aren’t really happening.
All of these are signs that you are not satisfying a basic need and must correct your situation as soon as you can.
What does a need have to do with fear? – We know that part of any experience is about how well or how poorly it will go. These thoughts are what we use to predict an outcome. From those predictions, we can come up with different versions for the best and worst-case scenario.
This means that prior to doing any behavior or action there is a simple thought about how we will do. So I may connect different experiences with a new situation and become unsure of it being safe.
Most likely I will then talk myself out of taking the action that is necessary. Instead, I will avoid it and suffer the consequences even if everyone else does it and benefits.
Often times we are merely talking ourselves out of doing something we need to be doing because we are afraid that it will lead us to get hurt.
The type of harm it will cause varies by how many times we avoid it.
Where You Start Matters Because Fear Is Caused By Your Thoughts…
In order for you to be convinced of something, you will likely want to see examples of it being done. But the problem that comes up is that there are no examples to find so it’s not possible to learn by watching others.
It’s the uncertainty that confuses you before you can make a clear decision regardless of the need you have. Instead of putting yourself through the trials that life brings you, you simply start to look for other things to do.
An example using the water from above: Let’s imagine having one great source of water but it’s only accessible when you have met the right conditions so you aren’t wasting any.
You, unfortunately, you don’t know what those conditions are because you haven’t taken the time to find out. Instead, you sit in bed for an hour trying to wait for somebody else to bring you a glass.
This is the problem that comes with fear because they are the irrational thoughts that we experience that make us think that something else is going to happen.
Your thoughts might go like this: “I don’t know what is going to happen if I try to get a glass of water. Thankfully I know that others have been successful at getting one so I think it’s best to wait for one of them to get it for me.”
That means you may die because you don’t believe you will find out what those right conditions are. Instead, you become stuck and either wait for help to arrive (which may never happen) or you simply try to move on hoping you don’t really need the glass of water.
Either way, you are harming yourself which will eventually kill you because you didn’t do something you needed to do. This is just a simple lesson to understand.
When you don’t know where to begin you are not going to figure things out by doing nothing.
You will also not figure things out when you rely on somebody else to do it for you.
For success to happen, you must start to experiment by choosing to perform different actions so you can eliminate the uncertainty. Once that uncertainty has been reduced, you can start to experience thrilling things.
Your Needs Are Related To Each Thing You Want…
It may not seem like anything is connected but that is because you haven’t trained yourself to recognize patterns. When you truly need something it will have to start with you coming up with a plan to make it happen.
Regardless of how well or how poorly your plan performs, it still must be tried so you can determine the level of success you made by taking that first step.
When you fail to plan, you actually aren’t taking the steps necessary to go in any direction. Instead, you have somehow convinced yourself that you can’t, you shouldn’t, and you aren’t going to be able to ever do it.
That is what fear truly is because it’s an irrational thought that prevents you from accessing something you need. Guess what else it prevents you from?
One fear means you will not be successful because you have an irrational idea that will blow up your entire ability to perform experiments.
Have you heard anyone that says they are stuck in just one area? It’s because they aren’t able to get over an irrational thought which they may not even be able to find.
Everything else may be wonderful but this one specific thing is preventing them from the life they have dreamt about since they were a child.
That is why you must learn how to plan before you can actually get started making any progress at all.
What is a want because it’s not something I need, right? – The answer is simple when you know that your needs are met. You want to do things because you will be bored once you no longer have needs.
Imagine you know how to fulfill your daily needs, what is then left to do with your time? That is up to you because ideally, you will still desire things to make you feel better.
Fulfillment is when you no longer need anything. A lack of Satisfaction is when you are temporarily uncertain that you have more to do with your time.
Pleasure is the way you become satisfied which is a quick chemical change that happens when your mind is able to rest. It’s why you love to sleep because you can turn off your logical mind knowing you have done your best to be satisfied with your day.
There are lots of different ways to experience pleasure which are all temporary feelings that will boost your mood without needing to rest.
Satisfaction Isn’t What You Probably Think It Is…
Fear is the opposite of being satisfied because it’s making you feel concerned about your next move. Instead of looking for things that satisfy you, your mind is preoccupied with finding a way to fulfill a need.
These fears happen when you see things that are necessary to relax. So stress is another form of displeasure because you are in the process of doing something you will not enjoy doing.
It’s stressful because it’s urgent or is necessary but when it’s done, it will not fulfill you or satisfy you in a way that you need or want.
When you learn what your fears are and see them for what they really represent it is then possible to live without them bugging you all the time.
But it’s not possible to ignore them and think that you will improve because your mind isn’t going to let you forget about them. It’s stressful to know you have a problem that you can’t solve.
It’s terrifying to know you need to find a solution so that you will be able to stay alive. It’s the images you have about what you will become that stops you from finding a way to experience a relaxed and rational way to think.
So, it’s torture because you haven’t got the information that you need to access in order to get the resources to fulfill your needs which is why you are so unpleasant or irritable to be around.
What do you need to understand about yourself? – The best way to remove and overcome your problems is to find out where you have been afraid of before.
That is how you get in and dig to find the root cause of your setbacks. There are a few different reasons that you have no access to those memories.
One of them is because it’s an action you performed that buried it in the first place. When somebody faces a trauma they urgently use their energy to block the images which are still stored in memory.
Instead of being able to recall those images you have put a sign up saying “Don’t ever recall this experience because it may kill me!”
The trouble you run into is your mind only knows that it’s dangerous because you haven’t made the reason crystal clear. It still expects you to further categorize that memory so that it understands why you won’t put it somewhere else.
It’s not a fear, it’s not a lesson learned, it’s not a story, it’s not a behavior, it’s not something you have said you want to be able to use again or not, it’s just there with no further information which is stacked on top of the last unsolved mystery.
Once you are able to go back to that event and are able to feel it you will be able to store it properly so that your mind knows what you want it to do.
That is why your fears are irrational, they just don’t get labeled in a way that makes sense yet. Whether you place a caution sticker on it or not, your mind will keep bumping into it forever.
In other words, it’s the cause of so much unnecessary stress and discomfort. It’s a problem, it’s an obstacle, it’s a challenge you skip, it’s among your main issues to do something about.
The Bad Thing About The Unsolved Mysteries…
Think about the rock in the road that you swerve to avoid. Then the next time you drive that same way there are two rocks you must avoid. This becomes a pattern that you must notice so you can actually do something about that spot on the road.
But, you continue to drive by it each time and do nothing you will only allow it to become more severe. It grows to 3, then 4, then 5, and continues till you can no longer drive that route at all.
Each problem you have gets bigger over time even if you refuse to acknowledge them. It’s the same thing as thinking somebody else will take care of it for you because you refuse to admit there is something that you can do about it right now.
Fear is a problem, a bad habit is a problem, a lack of fulfillment is a problem, and a lack of satisfaction is a problem. Hopefully, this shows you what kinds of things you need to resolve as soon as you can so you can start to think in better ways.
Your life is the sum of all of your problems which will eventually destroy anyone who doesn’t do something to change themselves enough.
The truth is that you can control them all but you must learn how to start doing it so that it gets you in a better mindset. Part one of that step is to read this entire post.
Read it again and again so you understand it and then share what you learn in the comment below. There is something that all successful people do which you must start doing too.
That is to change one of your habits into a habit of writing about your own life. Share those sorts of things with people you trust and come away with more information so you can keep improving your thinking.
For those who don’t do this, you will continue to struggle, continue to suffer, and continue to be afraid of what you could be doing differently.
To overcome your fears, you must learn where to start so that you can find those things that terrify you to do. Write them down, share them with somebody, and understand why they are not really dangerous.
Once all of that is done and you have removed what stands in your way… your mind will allow you to find out what you really want in life…