Self Love isn’t the same as you give away freely, it takes a lot more effort to feel wonderful about everything you are. When it’s time for you to develop a new skill or change from a bad habit, self-love gives you the power to do it.
The first thing I imagine when I hear self-love is a hug which you give to yourself. While it’s a nice thought it’s not really accurate to everything it’s about.
In order for you to start to develop the kind of trust you need to have, you must give yourself the confidence that it’s okay to make mistakes. You will be benefiting from them and if somebody else happens to witness one, you realize that they get the same opportunity as you to learn from it.
You will understand that being embarrassed isn’t real because regardless of what happens around you there is a constant about every action you take. This says it’s in your best interest to go through the experience and take away the positives from it.
This may not always go as planned but you know at the end of the day it’s okay. When you remember back to that moment it will prevent you from doing it the same way again.
The real definition of self-love has to be an ongoing relationship you have about yourself. This relationship says that no matter what happens you will not change anything about yourself that isn’t going to be an improvement.
That also means you will not listen to other people’s attempts to influence your decisions unless they are experienced and are giving you actual help.
You understand that you will listen out of respect for them because you respect yourself and don’t want to miss anything valuable. But with that being said you still allow time to do your own research before you believe what they say as true.
In doing this you gain only the right evidence that helps you and will eliminate all the false or foolish ideas that ignorant people spread around.
Eventually, you will consist of the best possible factual knowledge that will lead to the brilliance which is you.
Develop only the best skills and habits because of self-love
The reason you will want to memorize that introduction is that it’s one hundred percent true. But there will be things you need to work toward before you start to believe it.
That is why you need to learn everything you can about yourself from this moment forward. In order to satisfy that definition, you will need to develop the skill that removes your bad habits.
A skill that keeps you from letting false beliefs into your mind and that will keep you safe from anyone that doesn’t want you to achieve anything more than them.
In case you didn’t already know what a toxic person was, it’s where somebody else tries to sabotage anything you do by what they say, what they try to get you to do or stop doing, and by any means of badgering they can come up with to interfere or waste your time and energy.
What I haven’t taught you yet is how to remove them from your life, however, if you are like me they haven’t’ been a part of your life for a while now.
Do you realize what happens when you stop trying to please others and develop the kind of love for yourself that you need to have? It empowers you to tell them to go away for good.
Remember what was stated above, you will respect their right to give an opinion but that doesn’t mean more than once. I use a three strikes approach to people who I am not trying to help.
When they continue to put forth information or to whine and complain about how bad they feel, it’s more than too much to handle and your best option is to refer them to a therapist whose job it is to listen to that stuff.
One thing I know a lot about is enablers, which are people who assist another person in continuing a bad habit. The funny thing is enabling is also a bad habit that you may have.
So its something that will continue to harm your life and your journey to achieve your goals. Until you learn how to reduce or completely eliminate this with everyone you know, it will hurt you long-term.
There is a term that you need to learn and that is called supportive. This means that you will listen to a problem that somebody else experiences but only on the condition that they will let you suggest an answer and consider doing it.
When they don’t listen to the advice you give out then that relationship is not working well for you or them. It doesn’t even have to be a relationship where you are offering the advice, you will just be there so they can vent and vice versa.
This is okay because it has a real purpose and value, but it has to be a reciprocal thing in order to exist. When you just go to somebody because they will listen eventually it’s a selfish action.
Doing that is considered dumping your stuff on them and it’s not helpful to the other person to listen to only that part. You will also want to come back with how you solved the problem and establish a line of caring about each other to be a benefit.
Most of you have known somebody who never gets back with what happened and then you likely just start to avoid them. In a lot of relationships, you will notice this happening and it’s either you doing it or them.
The solution is to respect yourself enough to tell them what you think about it happening.
Self Respect is to value the time you have
Saying you respect yourself is not a good enough evaluation because lot’s of passive or aggressive people will go about believing it. But it’s only true when you are assertive enough to defend your rights to anyone.
This includes the boss you loathe because as you may know there isn’t a career you should look for that makes you feel spineless. I would rather teach people how to be assertive then have to listen to a bunch of whiners say how much they hate their bosses but need that job.
The same thing happens a lot in bad relationships because the whole point of one is to enjoy each other in every way and not just settle on somebody you can tolerate for a few minutes.
It doesn’t mean you have to freak out and dump the person you are with, but it should teach you that a relationship will be much better if both of you can speak your minds regardless of the topic.
Don’t worry too much about it before you make all the right plans for yourself. At a point, you will be deciding on things about your relationships which will be when you have enough evidence that it’s in your best interest to take action.
The other part about having self-respect is that you use your time in a way that does something great for you. This can be any number of things from reading a book to watching a movie.
What you need to remember is “what else” can I do with my time that will help improve my life in the long-term? The short-term problems and your behaviors are meant to create lots of options.
Which means you can either experience pleasure right now and enjoy yourself because the future will not happen till after I do this, or you will plan to have many more chances just like this one but want to make a sacrifice now so that it’s better then.
One of these ways is clearly better than the other but it’s not up to anyone but you to know what that is for your situation. Remember though if you are finding yourself suffering more right now and not planning for your future, you will be suffering in the future more than you need to.
Self-respect is all about putting the time in to invest in yourself so that you will have a better future. It’s suggested that anyone can feel great for a few minutes but only the brightest bulbs will feel that way once they hit a point they are planning to reach.
Also, realize that it’s easier to love yourself more when you factor in what you will be doing in a year or more. That means you want to think about ways to boost your self-worth and whether or not it’s ideal to quickly gain and lose that feeling in the present.
Or to plan to grow consistently over a period of time which will lead you to make monumental steps and know you will never need to worry about the progress you are making again.
Self Worth can grow as high as you want it to grow
One area that may get you confused is what does self-worth mean? Is it when I know that I can do everything I will ever need to do without having to beg, or is it a way to survive each day without getting myself killed or put into jail?
When you place a high amount of value in what you are able to do many things will open up. When you are worried each day and every night about the next, you are likely to do more crazy things to just survive.
This can mean you are going to be capable of both scenarios but you feel better knowing you only need to plan for one of them. There are a lot of adventurous people or death seekers that think about themselves having it all.
But the likelihood of them being miserable is also much higher. Living in denial of what is really going on has increased quite a lot over the last century because people who live above their means don’t think about the consequences.
Planning every step before you take actions may sound dull and unexciting but when it’s done correctly it will allow you to experience so much more than you ever thought about doing.
You can be a planner who does it for just a little of your life. When you do it very well it’s possible to then live off of your passive income and do everything until you die or an experience kills you.
Really then the only way to lose self-worth is to not plan on what you will be doing in the future because you are too worried about tomorrow happening and how it will feel then.
Self-worth then is defined as you feeling great about each day and the decisions you make. When they are consistent and lead you towards your goals they are what increases your worth.
When it’s the opposite and you are making each decision based off of the flip of a coin you will feel very poorly about how things end up a lot of the time.
To say this another way, learn how to manage the risks you take in your life so that they are smart risks. Otherwise, you will be just one coin flip away from prison or death.
In closing the bad habits you want to remove are …
Not planning for how you will live the rest of your life. This is something that scares a lot of people to take the time to do because they have to actually learn who they are and what they want.
When you refuse to do this it will not go well for the majority. Prisons are full of people who didn’t think they would get caught, the internet has a ton of getting rich quick scams you may try out and lose, or you will continue trying new things hoping the next one will lead you to that great idea.
The problem with each of these is that none of them build up who you are, they really teach you that you can’t do anything over and over and all you know is how to suffer more.
I wrote another article about the difference of using a punishment versus reward based system and will prove to you which way is better. But the other part of life is learning that you have to trust yourself more than anyone else, that way as you gain new skills you develop a love for doing more.
And when you remove those harmful habits that you may not even be aware of, you will understand exactly what direction to take and how you can learn to create the exact future you have always dreamed about.
Develop a new skill or change a bad habit is talking about planning. When you learn how to do what’s best for yourself, it means eliminating what is doing the opposite.
You have a lot of things to decide about, from people in your life to the skills you must learn to use. When you fully understand how to love yourself this will become super easy to do.
Let me know if you have any questions or comments and use the space below to do so. Contact Eric for anything else and let’s get started on making you into that person who you already know you are.