One of the biggest issues I have ever had to face is dealing with my self-image.
Trying to get to a place where I am not nervous and anxious about the way I look, was rough, to say the least.
The problem here is building your ideal self-image and what it means to ignore everybody else’s opinion about your looks.
To let the cheap remarks go so they don’t repeat in your mind over and over again.
Most people understand that your face is a major part of who you are, and its likely been painful to think about it compared to the other people you see day to day.
For me this is also the one area I knew was constantly changing, because what happens when you deal with living on an emotional trampoline.
One minute you see that mirror and are in love with how good you look, the next its WTF happened?
When I was growing up, I had many looks, but none felt quite right.
I even had fallen in love with a special red comb which seemed to magically put each hair in place just the way I liked it. And later to have to go through the pain of somebody stealing that comb.
It’s silly to think that something like a comb could directly impact my mind, but it did. I just couldn’t get comfortable with anything else and still mourn the loss of it.
You and I have our rituals when it comes to how good we feel at any given time. How a missing comb could lead me to such depression, I don’t know but I have yet to find one I like as much.
But there is still a lot more about self-image than just the way you see yourself in the mirror. Looks will always change as we age and its likely gonna lead to stress, anxiety, or fear somewhere down the line.
What you and I need is a way to get it in our minds that nothing matters more than that feeling of love we have for ourselves. That looks are such a superficial concept its bound to change even when our moods change.
How do you build a positive self-image?
There are suggested ways to practice caring about yourself and this is the number one factor in how you will feel when its pointed out.
Either by that stupid mirror or somebody else, you need to be positive in the way your mind treats your image.
Caring for the day to day feel of your face.
Keep it clean and looking its best, free of dirt and grime.
The biggest reason for having a personal washcloth is to take the time to cleanse your face during the morning and evenings before bed.
Allowing yourself the time to rest overnight will shed the old skin. Nothing looks and feels as good as fresh skin on your face or body. Keep things like acne out of the equation, my skin is sensitive and will break out just by shaving.
To handle this issue I have gone without shaving for months, now that has its own set of problems BTW. There is a mindset where the better you care for a part of your body, the more you will appreciate it when you see it.
There is a way to test yourself and see if you noticed any changes, start putting a timer on yourself when you wake up. Figure out how long you take to get up and ready before you make any routine changes.
Having a plan based on 30 minutes for a shower, brushing your teeth, and the care of your face each morning.
Chances are pretty high that after a month of changing your morning ritual, you will have a different feeling about yourself.
Another test you can do is to see how fast you can get ready. This will be your way to see if the opposite changes your thinking.
Learn that if you remove part of your routine, what happens to your mood and your self-esteem?
One of the two things are gonna make you feel better than you do today. It’s all about what you do that your mind doesn’t expect you to do.
This will even help to get you capable of handling other changes in your life.
Factor two – What happens when you change your clothes to something much different?
Start by going through your favorite items, and ask yourself which ones are you reliant on in order to shape your mood?
Every piece of clothing that you own probably has some type of emotional value and could have more story to it than others.
Women tend to do this on a much larger scale than guys ever think about. But they have the assets, to actually pull more looks off.
What is it you like people to think about when they see you wearing a normal shirt or jeans? What does wearing something matter to you and does it even come up when you grab something to put on?
Realize that your clothes are a way to communicate to your mind that you are better or worse emotionally then previously.
You dress to impress(who?), you dress to make a statement(about?), you want to get people to notice you(because?). The reasons you do things need to be clear to yourself first if it’s going to help you know yourself better.
But how does it feel to you and how does it feel when you are alone in the clothes that you have? Know exactly why you are doing things so that your mind understands it.
Positive self Image destroys negative thoughts
Moving a little bit away from our appearance, you need to be aware of what happens when you are being physical or exercising. Does it really increase and encourage a positive mindset?
Factor number three – having the right mindset
Many professional athletes that stop working out as intensely as they once did break their own mindsets and its destructive to everything else about them.
This happens to every person on the planet if something they do automatically goes away. There is a real need for your body to move around and it’s unnatural to be sitting around most of the time.
Now, who doesn’t already know that right? I mean come on you know that the laziness or fun stops when you have to get up in the morning and exercise for a few minutes right?
That there is absolutely no way in the world to do something like increasing your physical activity just 5 minutes each morning to make a habit out of that.
You would rather hit the snooze alarm and waste that little bit of time than have to do something before your coffee. But its essential for many other reasons than just to battle body fat.
I stopped exercising once I was done with high school because P.E. was no longer part of my life. I had no more reason to be in shape.
Since I am no athlete my body will just have to suck it up and learn to not store so much fat.
That didn’t mean I wasn’t lifting weights, I would continue to do that but it’s really not the same as getting that heart pumping and getting your mind focused on the activity that you are doing.
I mentioned focus, but why does that word always come up and matter to my overall health and my self-image? Maybe it has a way to change those negative thoughts into something better.
Who wants to spend a few minutes to improve the ability to see yourself as a powerful human being? One that can do much more than you give yourself credit for.
Fine tuning the outside issues you have about yourself will start to remove some of the negative thoughts which go on. This becomes noticeable just by doing simple exercises a few minutes each day.
Not only do you gain more energy throughout the day, you also have the ability to boost your mood to something that stays positive as well.
Physical well-being, mental focus, and motivation
Somehow your physical body, tells your mind that you have a purpose behind your actions. That purpose is to prove to yourself that you are in fact very capable of doing things which cost you nothing.
Factor number four – purpose
Things will get easier by building up strength and the more you build the stronger you get. Also, practice using your body to become more familiar with how you move about.
All of this work will mean that your body needs fuel to get to a healthier version of yourself. Figure out the best things to eat for the exact things you want.
I was a worrier, not a warrior because I didn’t keep any focus. I got so into thinking I was one giant problem that I just needed to stay hidden.
While I was alone, it became easier to drink. From that drinking, I believed what I had was happiness.
Things got pretty simple to do but everything else was a nightmare to try and predict.
I knew that it wasn’t gonna be as much fun as it could be and that I would probably need to figure out something better before I ran outta money.
The struggle was too much and over time I questioned my sanity. How could I work when I was terrified to go out and apply for something?
Eventually, my mind accepted defeat because I always found an excuse to put something off or avoid doing it.
Forget my hopes, goodbye to my dreams, my wants, needs, and desires. They no longer mattered to me because I was comfortable being depressed and miserable.
Any purpose I had was gone and I simply was just waiting for time to run out on me.
Factor number five – Don’t get too comfortable
It was so easy to start drinking as soon as I woke up each morning. To just sit back on a computer and mindlessly play games or watch videos.
With no thought of doing anything that would possibly enhance my life and allow me to experience better joy, successes, or happiness of any kind.
That was a load of crap I kept feeding myself because over time, let me tell you what drinking does to a person.
It creates a false reality where you are somehow strong, somehow smart, and somehow better because you know what life should be about right?
The only reason I have never technically been homeless is that my family also knew what drinking does to a person. Even when it was protested that I have a purpose I was stuck in a vicious cycle of defeat.
You should also know something about me, I stayed at the salvation army for 5 months, I was in jail for a while, I had been through 8 different rehabilitation centers some repeated ones and yet always had a place that wasn’t my own to stay.
Did knowing these things help my self-image? No, it kept holding me back and became a destructive mindset which gave me a false hope by also allowing me to keep doing that same stuff I was doing previously.
Thinking that things will either get worse or better
Except for going to college and staying in the dorm room, I have never been away from other people and I hated myself because of this lack of independence.
My college roommates would either not show up the next semester, or move out very quickly because the blackouts I went through when drunk got too scary for them.
At this point, I knew I had a big problem, but people were paying my tuition. I wasn’t doing what I was doing for myself and it showed by how easy it became to stop.
I had even received a full scholarship the year I left college for rehab. There was an award given out for hardships and my sister had also received it for her educational needs.
Doing things because of outside factors really allowed my mind to slip away from me. I learned it really does make a difference when you’re doing things for yourself and not others.
Factor number six – You need to be independent of everyone for a while
Some people get married right away after high school, college, or whatever but not me. I was stuck with myself in a place that seemed like a prison.
A mind full of lies telling me I would never be capable of doing anything. When I tried, that voice would say quit lying to yourself you know what you love doing.
There was a college course that I just wasn’t able to get through no matter how much I took it. Even when I did it pass/fail and had a tutor helping me when the exams came it was a foreign language I saw.
This frustration and feeling prevented my mind from saying anything positive again for a long time after that.
Factor seven – A mind needs a trainer and that trainer is you!
Eventually, it would convince me that I was worthless and the best solution for everyone is to just keep drinking and it will kill you when its time.
Even when you know things are not true, that voice can sound better than knowing something will take hard work.
That in order to get better you must get worse at being comfortable and be ready to scratch and claw for what you want.
Living with a mind that keeps suggesting the worst possible things, makes it so much harder to understand anything. I don’t know why it focused so much on one failure.
After all the A’s I had gotten even without that one class. I was a deans list student from my first year there. But only the mistakes, failures, or struggles mattered to my mind.
It’s like I was invisible and nobody including myself ever cared except when I was too embarrassed to deal with things. I kept that failure bottled up and kept failing.
I don’t need anyone else ever to tell me what I am able to do because what I needed to do was to kill that old voice and train a brand new one that is actually on my side.
Building a new self-image from scratch
What I have already given you in this post is enough to begin working on a new version of your self-image. One that will help you gain that elusive identity that you really want.
But I am gonna change it up now so that this doesn’t go on forever.
Factor number eight – Know what you want and go after it regardless of what else happens
Factor number nine – Figure out which people will help you get that
Factor number ten – Listen to those who already have what you want
For me to start over and figure out what I really wanted in my life I had to abandon what it was that kept me feeling so ridiculously stupid. This isn’t a matter of just saying I want this or that.
You have to build yourself to be willing to make the effort, willing to take the actions, and willing to accept any mistakes or failure that come with the process.
Once you have figured out what it is you really are after, look for the best examples of the people in this world, in your community, or in your family/friends that will actually work with you to get it.
You can’t be stubborn, you must be open to anything that they tell you to do and you must not complain, bitch, moan, make any excuses, and also be able to schedule the time to do the work.
It doesn’t matter what it is, you cannot allow yourself to have any worries or doubts that will only mess you up because the goal is to not let any obstacles make you stop going forward.
At some point, you will beg yourself to quit, and you may even attempt to take drastic measure to sabotage yourself. This is gonna be in the next post I write.
Recapping what will be built for an ideal self-image
Factors one through three are getting you familiar with what usually makes you feel like your being personally attacked. If other people are telling you things, based on anything other than what your purpose is.
Get rid of them immediately because they are not gonna be the kinds of people who you need.
Looks will not matter one bit at this point and to become a powerful and focused individual you need to break free of these issues you have.
Knowing the reasons why those things matter will help in the process.
Factors four, five, and six help to shape your mission, that is what its really worth to you to gain that which you desire. This is extremely important to know despite other people in your life, you are doing this completely on your own to get started.
These are not complicated things but will require you to start becoming honest about everything you have ever been through.
For any reason, if you are unable to find a purpose, its gonna be too hard to do things. You need to learn that comfort is the worst sense of being you can have while trying to gain something.
The expression no pain no gain is from this statement, and not about physical pain like so many people mistakenly assume.
You really have to do this independently to what anyone else thinks, wants, or needs you to do. If that is something you can’t promise yourself and its something you are worried about.
Then you need to figure out why?
Factor seven is perhaps the most important one, you need to find a way to stop letting your inner voice be your boss. It works for you or it dies, no other option for you anymore.
Your subconscious mind is supposed to be your best friend and help encourage you to become better. It isn’t doing that when it’s stressing you out and making fun of you.
These last factors are the ones that will get you to finally realize the things you want. This is not a perfect order and I may need to add more to this.
But it’s your chance to get a handle on any issue that has plagued your life for way too long.
Building your ideal self-image consists of these 10 factors, start working on them today and start to gain your true identity.
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