For a while, I had no idea what I was reading because an unmet need seemed like an odd thing to have. Who would quietly go through childhood feeling that there was something missing when in fact I had done this very thing.
Most people have these because we all learn to do things based on what behaviors we have that get punished or rewarded. An unmet psychological need means what you experienced during childhood that makes you resistant to the world around you.
Or to say it in English it’s when you are told no, that is not possible because we are too poor (or any reason was given so that you miss out on something you wanted).
All my friends got a piercing in their ear, why can’t I? I really wanted that transformer and all the kids have it, can I get one pretty please…? No, we can’t afford it maybe ask Santa for one.
Then you ask Santa and it’s his fault that it comes in the wrong color. So you are stuck with something that you should be happy you got but aren’t because there is something wrong with it.
I am not happy but I know I should feel thankful because that is what has been taught for me to believe when I am the recipient of a gift.
This is just one example because an unmet need really is anything that doesn’t go the way we had wanted it to go.
Afterward, you feel
- guilty or any other feeling that you learn is a negative way that you shouldn’t actually be feeling that way.
YIKES!! I quickly learned that I had one or more of these per day most of my childhood. That is what happens when you have siblings and spend very little time learning how to handle these disappointments.
What can a person do to fulfill these unmet needs as an adult?
Let’s start with the most complex types of them because they will be the ones that are causing the most harm. Emotional trauma or horrific memories that you relive at times when you don’t want to.
Or the nightmares you had as a child that might have been real but you aren’t sure because they were pretty bad. This goes on to make you shy and cautious because you have trust issues and they are reinforced when you go to school because the other kids are mean to you.
Then you grow up with these false beliefs because nobody has taken you aside to make sure that things aren’t going horribly wrong inside your mind. One day it becomes so terrible to find out this isn’t a normal way to live and you don’t know what else to do but try to kill yourself to end the suffering.
When you find out that Santa Claus isn’t real and it’s been your alcoholic parents who had messed up all the gifts you had received. Or your entire family is so full of problems its a wonder you made it to graduation without killing everyone else you met along the way.
The truth when it hits doesn’t sound to you like it’s fair that it happened to you this way so you spend the next couple of decades so drunk you aren’t really sure if your dead and in hell or alive and in hell.
What are you to do but to try and find some sense of sanity, you desperately search for ways to make money and end up working on a self-help site to search for all the cures to all your unmet needs or the problems that you have ignored your entire life.
When you are able to make improvements with yourself you know it’s the truth and it works but then nobody listens so it continues to make you feel bad and doubt what you’re doing each day.
So there has to be a point where you are able to see things the way they truly are and not how your perception makes them appear to you.
How do you jump to that point and figure out that all things stem from early in your life to what they are now?
One way that I have learned is to write and let some of those feelings come to life on the page. The other way is to start searching your memories so that you can pinpoint where one thing starts and ends, before moving on to the next one.
That will give you the ideas that you could work on in your life today that should cause you to rethink what you know and to change some of the false beliefs that you have into the beliefs that you need to have to live a better life now.
There is also therapy but if that doesn’t thrill you like it didn’t thrill me you need to be willing to dig down deep enough to figure things out on your own.
But that is where my past comes in to assist you because I am already very familiar with the process to do all these things so that you can become anything that you desire to become.
When will you know that you have gotten the most out of reflection?
I know you are probably wondering how one little unmet need can grow into a massive problem that prevents you from achieving things in your adult life?
But it just so happens that your mind holds the answer to that question. When you learn what your mind does to try and protect you in order to keep you safe and not have to experience more pain it will make complete sense.
The part that becomes a pain in the butt is going through all the examples to see if any of them sound similar to what you have experienced. Because psychology is the study of the human mind it’s all about learning from what other people have found that works.
It’s not all bad or boring because if this subject doesn’t make you even more curious about yourself than nothing truly will. As soon as you can, you want to write the story of your life and mention as much as you can remember happening.
That is the only way to diagnose and find each possibility that can be treated and solved. Or to say it another way to look for the parts that went wrong, and compare them to the rest so that a plan can be outlined.
What is the difference between a disorder and a need?
The only difference is awareness because all disorders are simply needs that go unmet. This means that you develop a disorder when you have a need (a goal) that doesn’t get achieved. Therefore it’s stored in the mind as a problem which you are unsure about how to solve.
When the problem gets reinforced, again and again, it becomes the disorder because that is when it’s going to become a belief that it’s impossible to achieve it. That will teach you to start to avoid going after certain goals or prevent you from taking certain actions.
The more needs that go unmet the more problems and the worse the disorders will get.
Follow this link to find 12 life changing steps to help you.