Fear is a constant state of fascination for me because it’s such a misunderstood part of everybody’s mind. What happens when you don’t fully grasp what is going on around you?
I found 15 reasons you’re too afraid to ask the questions you need to know about to help yourself out. What is even more perplexing is that you can miss out on things because you simply don’t say anything.
I’ve compiled a list of reasons that I think will create an understanding that way you get to know yourself better. No matter what you label yourself, you are not immune to anything that can happen in your mind.
It’s actually fear that people have inside where their imagination invents all kinds of challenges. The subconscious is interesting in a way that it can create more obstacles for you then is wanted.
Once you start to understand the process of attaining self-awareness, you begin to learn that things aren’t always the way your mind is letting you believe.
There isn’t any reason for you to be concerned until you want to learn how to remove your fears. Once you gain that desire, there is only going to be a positive road ahead for you.
Keep in mind one other thing, it takes a real burning desire to make the changes you have to decide to make. Things aren’t going to happen until you are ready for them to happen.
You will start to become ready for these changes once you see that you can be the boss in charge. You have all the tools available to yourself and the only thing that’s lacking is a willingness to do this.
What do I mean by too afraid to ask?
One type of affliction I have experienced myself is a lack of desire to want to ask another person for help. Aka a fear of looking dumb, fear of looking foolish, or an inferiority issue.
I have looked at my past for a long enough time that I figured out why it happened to me. It’s usually something based on how your questions were dealt with.
It’s more than just one experience and is reinforced by several different people over the span of your first 7 years of age. During a time when you are really curious about everything and are wanting to ask some of the most fundamental questions.
People who are responsible for the early development will all handle things in different ways so this is about the imagination. Rather than receiving positive responses to the questions you ask, you get glared at, yelled at, or lied to about it.
This means that people who grow up feeling distant from other people do so because they have been taught to avoid doing things that show their curiosity.
Or another way this can go is that you start trying to understand something that has happened. Maybe you cry to let out the feelings of sadness. Instead of being allowed to feel this way you are mocked, humiliated, or even told your behavior is wrong.
This can happen when you’re told that boys don’t cry, real men never shed tears, or stop feeling that way because it’s making you weak and you look stupid.
Not just weak, but you experience all sorts of disapproval or punishment because the way things got addressed. Your mind will want to understand, but what you learn is that it’s not what you ask or how you behave, it’s how you get that response back.
People will use different tones or different ways to show you that it’s not okay. But the biggest oddity is when you learn to ease drop or overhear the continuation of a conversation.
A lot of times an emotional response will indicate that you should avoid that person because they are gonna get mad and hit you or do something worse. So, because you are still curious you lurk behind the door and, listen anyways.
One area that sticks out to me is asking about the dog dying, hearing that it died accidentally and then learning the truth when I was eavesdropping. I learned that I didn’t get told the truth when I ask direct questions, or that I am told half-truths so that I explain it to another person and they show me just how dumb and wrong I was.
I am certain everyone has experienced things similar where they learned somewhere that they had been lied to. The reason it’s based on the imagination is that all of you will place a different meaning into your memory about what happened.
This happens more than once and the memory is reinforced, but that’s not where it stops. Sometimes I would repeat words and ask what they mean. As you know there are bad words and when a child at that age gets punished this reinforces that part of the process where you feel stupid for trying to learn.
Over time there is more added to the equation, perhaps you are in situations where you don’t understand what just happened because you had been daydreaming.
That actually was most of my childhood and is one reason I didn’t do that great in school until I got older. Reading chapters in a book, listening to others talk about a show and tell, watching any kinds of videos, or seeing things on the blackboard/whiteboard would not make sense.
In school, there is a penalty for not paying attention and it’s usually not a good thing to experience. But what the imagination remembers is that you asked a question and got in trouble.
This feels horrible because kids will point and laugh and you will likely feel stupid for doing something you almost couldn’t help. Sometimes it’s your personality that creates a bigger imagination than what it’s like for others.
So, you experience even more reasons to keep quiet because you don’t want it to appear that you aren’t paying attention. This also seems to be the case when you ask a perfectly good question because of the pace of things being taught.
I can remember kids making fun of anyone who wasn’t a fast learner like others claimed to be. The need for competition inspired me to lie in classes more than telling the truth.
A lot of the reasons I wouldn’t have any questions was due to the fact I wasn’t even at the same level as the rest. The challenges become uphill and nobody really wants to be viewed as being behind.
Now, there is still another area, siblings, because each child is evaluated often and it’s not likely to be at the same level as your siblings. That doesn’t prevent any kind of the teasing or fighting from going on.
Experiencing a fear of speaking up and asking about things will only bring on more teasing from the closest people in your life. For me, it wasn’t the worst of what happened, but there are still others.
To give you an idea about these fears
When I looked back through my struggles, this is the list I came up with. Everyone may end up with a different version or have a few reasons that I haven’t listed here.
It’s not a final list of things or something that you need to identify with completely. Look it over and be sure to let me know what you think or what you would add/remove for your own.
Here is the list of some of the causes of fear:
- Looking foolish in front of others
- Missing out on things that others are getting
- Being left behind because you are not sure about something
- Being too interested and focusing on just one part of the lesson instead of the whole thing
- Making mistakes
- Losing respect because you behave or act opposite of somebody else
- Being misunderstood
- Repetition or having to ask something more than once
- Achieving success or gaining an accomplishment that other people become jealous about
- Failure about not keeping up with the pace or believing that you can’t do something as well as others
- Being first and believing that everyone else will do it better
- Being different because you are the only one with the question
- Looking smarter because you are the only one who is asking questions
- Being labeled as something you don’t want to be
- Being average and feeling stuck below your potential
Looking at each of them shows me that it’s all about how things get perceived, or that it’s about thinking your being judged. Picture yourself in a classroom or office with all of these things going on inside your mind.
Because this is how it was for me, I can share experiences that reinforce each case. So when somebody tells you to let go of your fear because what is the worst thing that can happen you already have those inside your memory.
It’s of zero assistance when you see people offering you advice like that and it will continue adding more stress and anxiety when it doesn’t work.
The good news is that these all have a similar root cause, which goes back to how you feel when you are wanting to know about a specific thing.
Figuring out each little experience is something that works well, but it’s not needed because it’s also attainable by going through just the worst ones and creating a better view of what happened.
Doing that by working with your subconscious mind is the trick that unlocks the old and replaces it with the new. Understand this, people all over the internet want you to listen to there version of a solution.
It’s not very easy to figure out who is trying to get you to follow their inconsistent advice. I fell into that trap and have been dissecting many of the same kind of websites that are “helping you” like mine.
One other useful thing to remember about your imagination is that it’s not just the truth that enters into your memories. There is always more then what happens that any of us remembers.
The best way to really remember what went on is to attack your past from all the possible angles and to get a full view. This happens when you put yourself in the place of another person.
You can also ask them to offer their memory but remember they won’t give you all facts either. Create the stories the way they need to be remembered only and when you do it enough times you will overwrite the old ones.
To remove the traces of what isn’t helpful I suggest you practice self-hypnosis because that is how you learn to interact with your subconscious mind directly and in short sessions, it doesn’t take an eternity to do it.
I am hopeful that by the end of the year, I will be doing things I would never have imagined doing prior to taking the leap and learning to understand my mind better.
There is just one more matter to discuss and that will be for next time. Make sure you ask any questions you have and stop trying to put yourself in the mind of another person.
The only mind that matters is the one that you are using because it’s the only one that you have any control over what so ever. The sooner you figure this out the better you will be and the faster you can improve yourself.
15 reasons you’re too afraid to ask the questions will open your mind up and allow for the changes to be made.